Blue ➸ JiKook

[22]

Jungkook

❝The scars on my body, they don't even bleed. I never do this for me.❞ ―Glass Hearts, Of Mice and Men

Jungkook's eyes scanned the surface of the cold metal, attempting to keep his fingers from succumbing to the temptation of his mind. His mind was screaming a plethora of letters at his body that all eventually found their direction back into the pattern of, "You deserve it. Do it." Tears stung at the front of his eyes as a feeling of fright rose within the confines of the skull that held the root of all his issues and his fingers brushed themselves upon the sliver of silver tinted metal. The thoughts dancing their intricate ballet within his head - attempting to lure him with its steps within a 7/8 time signature - were a fraction of an inch from completing the task they were attempting to convince Jungkook's brain of committing. But as Jungkook's outstretched his hands in order to grasp the cool metal between his forefinger and thumb, footsteps began their echoing advancement down the faux-wood hallway that led to the boy's dorm. Jungkook immediately shoved the instrument back into the depths of his nightstand and picked up the journal Yoongi had gifted him for his eighteenth birthday, feigning to be re-reading its contents of a splurge of adolescent angst and fear. Almost as fraction of a millisecond later, Seokjin had burst into the room with a sense of urgency.

"Jungkook, are you okay?" The older male questioned, his motherly instincts over-taking him at his particular moment in time. Jungkook could fully comprehend why Seokjin had always remained such a motherly character; he did have to superintend six other men who acted as if they were still children. "You've been in here for quite awhile. The boys are worried about you." The younger boy contemplated a believable lie that his hyung would not be able to detect before he decided to open his mouth.

"I'm just practicing my writing," He answered confidently, attempting to conceal any uncertainty with the topic he brought up. "You know how I want to be as good as Yoongi-hyung one day!" Seokjin just laughed and tousled the younger boy's jet black mop of hair, seeming pleased with the boy's enthusiasm to improve yet another skill. Jungkook erased the thought from his head before he had a chance to expand on it with multiple sub-genres of thoughts. He despised being addressed as perfect or the Golden Maknae, because he really was not. He was a human being that contained flaws just like any other person breathing upon the lithosphere of the earth, but he wasn't allowed to reveal this 'flawed' side of him for his career's sake.

"Have fun with that," Seokjin laughed, his smile seemingly creating light that reflected off of the white plaster walls within the dim lit room. But as soon as Seokjin's legs began their journey out of the room in which Jungkook happened to be residing, he no longer experienced the joy that radiated off of the older man. Jungkook's eyes meandered across the rather large room, observing every detail that resided within the four walls. From the lamp that sat illuminated upon a cream colored desk cluttered with piles of paperwork that were due long ago and a laptop that Namjoon possessed in order to produce music to the cracks carved in each wall, painting a story of its past that not even Jungkook could decipher. Jungkook's lithe fingers caressed the black handle affixed to the cream colored nightstand that was intended to match the desk in the other corner of the room, contemplating whether or not it was a wise decision. He weighed the consequences against the positives and threw the drawer open.

Jungkook found himself upon his knees, excavating the contents of the drawer in order to discover where he had thrown the precious instrument while he was in such a haste to conceal it from his hyung. He impelled thousand page books and large stacks of paper containing personal writings of his youth to the very edges of the nightstand. But to no avail, he could not discover the location within the drawer that the blade was situated. He sighed, tears beginning their descent down the skin of his milky white cheeks. He couldn't do a single task correctly already, and now he couldn't even locate his only salvation. His body rested upon his haunches and he concealed the fact that he was sobbing uncontrollably with his hands because it wasn't necessarily desirable for one of his members to barge in and witness him in tears. When his crying belatedly ceased, Jungkook could observe a reflection of light off of a metal surface. His fingers scrambled to have the mental reside in their possession and Jungkook experienced a feeling of vast relief develop within his chest.

Jungkook lifted himself off of the white carpet, a giddy smile taking over his facial features. He discovered his direction to the bed and plopped down upon the sheets, his hands still coddled the instrument of destruction Jungkook was going to utilize in order to create something beautiful. Here goes nothing, he thought.

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A/N: Yes, yes, I know it was short, but I really wanted to get this chapter out for you guys seeing as how school starts back up again tomorrow and I'm rally sick! I hope you all enjoyed reading and the next chapter will hopefully be up soon. I love you!!!!