TEARDROPS OF TOMORROW

Chapter Thirty

Napaupo ako nang makarinig ng malakas na ingay gawa ng kulog. My heart was beating so fast. Sobrang nagulat ako. Nakaramdam ako ng lamig kaya naman napahawak ako sa sarili ko, dun ko lang na realize na wala pala akong damit. Napalingon ako sa tabi ko and thank goodness he was still sleeping. Agad naman akong tumayo pero dahan dahan lang at kinuha ang damit ko. I immediately wore it.

I put the back of my hand on his forehead and i sigh in relief when he was not hot like last night. I look at the clock on his phone, it's 9:00 am. How come it's still raining?

Pumunta ako sa pinto and took a peek. It's still raining hard, the island is not even visible from here. Sobrang kita noon ‘pag hindi umuulan. Ang lamig din.

I look at Nicholai, kailangan ko nang magluto. I went to the counter and saw that there was still leftover rice.

Gagawa ako ng fried rice, sayang naman kasi. I cook eggs, crab soup, and bacons, i also cook fried rice and i made a milk for Nicholai. Coffee lang sa akin.

I went to him after putting his food on the tray. I put it on the side table first before waking him up.

“Nicholai.” i gently said. Hindi rin naman nagtagal ay nagising siya.

“Good morning.” he said. “Good m-morning.” bigla kasi siyang umupo kaya nakita ko ang katawan niya. Agad naman niyang tinakpan iyon gamit ang kumot. Sana naman ‘di niya alam ang pagyakap ko sa kanya kagabi. That would be so embarrassing, i was naked.

“K-kain kana.” he nod.

“I can feed myself, you should eat too.” hindi na ako nanlaban dahil nahihiya ako kahit na mukhang wala naman siyang idea sa nangyari kagabi.

I went to the counter and eat my breakfast. Hindi rin naman madami ang kinain ko kaya mabilis lang akong natapos, siya naman ay natapos narin kaya pinainom ko siya ng gamot at kinuha ang pinagkainan niya.

“Nic, okay lang ba sa ‘yong nandito ka? I mean, baka kasi hinahanap ka na ng mama mo.” sabi niya.

“Ayaw mo ko dito?” tinanong ko, kinapalan ang mukha. Nilingon ko siya at kita kong medyo nagulat siya sa tanong ko.

“G-gusto.” naramdaman kong uminit ang pisngi ko pero ‘di ako umakto na parang naapektuhan. “Okay, dito muna ako. ‘Saka may lagnat ka, remember? Ayaw kitang iwan, baka ako sisihin mo.” sabi ko.

“I would never do that pero thank you. Don't worry, pag okay na ako at titila na ang ulan mamaya, i’ll send you home myself.” he said.

“Tsk, gusto mo talaga akong paalisin.” ‘di ko mapigilang usal.

“As much as i want to keep you here, you will still go back to your place.” i sigh.

I should tell him, i should ask him. I have to know the truth.

“Nicholai.” tawag ko sa kanya. I went near to him and look at him in the eye. He seems to know what i want to say.

“Ask me anything.” he said.

“Bakit? Bakit mo nagawa ‘yun? I-i thought you loved me? I thought you said that i should trust you? Bakit mo ‘yun nagawa? I’m sorry if you're sick right now but i badly wants to know the truth. Araw araw, gabi gabi, iniisip ko kung ano ba ang nagawa ko para lukohin mo ako ng ganun? Minahal naman kita ‘di ba? Naging honest ako sa ‘yo. P-pero bakit mo ‘yun nagawa?” i asked him while my tears slowly fell from my eyes.

“I'm sorry, i loved you, Nic. I still do. No words can explain of how much you mean to me. I’ve been wanting to try tell you the truth. You may believe me or not but i hope that you will...” he stood up and tried to held my hands pero iniwas ko ito. He sigh and continue.

Tyrone, she controlled me by hypnotized me. Wala ako sa sarili ko noong oras na ‘yun. I didn't know what i was doing. I didn't remember a thing. I was so confused when you blocked me the next morning. I was also confused when she was next to me when i woke up. She said i made love with her, but i didn't remember anything. Pinuntahan kita sa inyo but then, you weren't there. She was following me around and said she saw you and Clark together and you were kissing. I was mad to you, akala ko totoo. Ta's nakita ko kayo ni Clark and then, you end us." he said. Hypnotized? Is he serious?

“Nagkaroon lang ako ng alaala sa bagay na ‘yun weeks after you left. Gusto ko siyang patayin noong nalaman ko.” sinabi niya. Maninawala pa ba ako?

“You-you’re lying.” i said. Should i believe him?

“P-paano ako maniniwala sa‘yo? You could've just invented that.” he look at me unbelievable. “You think I'm capable of hurting you? I promised you.” i shook my head.

“You did. But, some people don't keep their promises. And you're one of them. Hypnotized? Are you fucking kidding me? You fucked with her! Hindi ka bumalik sa wisyo mo while you were fucking her?!” i asked angrily. My tears was kept falling.

“Imposible, Nicholai. You wanted it too.” umiling siya. He frustratingly mess his hair and walk towards me but i step away from him.

“Baby, i-if i could turn back time i would.” he said. “I didn't want her. I shouldn't have talked to her again if i had known. I swear baby, i didn't know what i was doing. I would never cheat on you—”

“But you already did! You fucked with her while I fucking trusted you the most!” I yell.

“You have to trust me baby. I didn't know what i was doing.” i shook my head.

“How could i trust you Nicholai? When the moment i trusted you the most. You cheated on me? I saw you were making out at the back of your house with someone you said who is not really important to your life. You cheated on me when i was suffering because of my Nanay’s sudden death. At exactly the night when i almost wanted to end myself! Alam mo bang muntik ko nang patayin ang sarili ko after i saw you with her? Sasabihin mong she hypnotized you when i clearly saw you sane and kissing her passionately! You even fucking texted me! Ta’s sasabihin mo i have to trust you?! Good thing, i didn't killed myself for that reason.”

Napaupo siya sa gulat, lumuhod siya at niyakap ang mga paa ko. He keeps saying “sorry”.

You hurt me! And now you're asking me to trust you? I will never fucking do that. ‘Cause if i did, para ko na ring ginago ang sarili ko.” I left him there, i went to the bathroom and cried so hard.

I stayed in the bathroom for hours before deciding to go out. I saw Nicholai on the sofa, fully clothed. Saan siya pupunta?

“Hi...” naiiyak ako ng tingnan ko siya pero pinigilan ko.

“I'm really sorry. Aalis ako ngayon, okay na ‘yung panahon, i will go somewhere and probably stay there for good. I’ve thought about this for a while. Kung paniniwalaan mo ako, i would court you again, but, if you won't believe me, then, i should just go away para naman hindi ka na masaktan pa. But, before i leave, please, i'm begging you, keep this. Y-you can throw it away if you found someone you're willing to be with for the rest of your life.” he said as his tear drops from his eyes.

My tear started to drop from eyes again.

It's our box of love. Where we kept all our memories together. He went near me and he suddenly pull me for a hug.

“I love you, baby. I will forever love you. P-please, b-be happy with every decisions you make.” he kissed my forehead before leaving me in the cottage. Napahagulgol ako pagkaalis niya.

Ang sakit, sobrang sakit.