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𝙳𝚒𝚊𝚗𝚗𝚊𝙱𝚊𝚗𝚔𝚜 "What's going on baby love?" Kyaire asked. I sat across the table from him, eyeing him with my hand propped underneath my face. I'd decided to visit him in prison today because I just needed to see him. After what had happened to me I'd distanced myself from Kyaire again because I was afraid he'd find out that I wasn't who he thought I was. Montell's attack had surely done a number on me. It was hard to go anywhere without looking over my shoulder, whether it was for Montell who was still walking around free, or for just any random man. Before that brutal night, I'd agreed to give Kyaire another chance only to pull away again. He was patient with me though and I could see the change he was trying to make.
My mood was always up and down. Today just happened to be one of those days where I was feeling low and I needed to see Kyaire. Despite how he'd treated and talked to me in the past, he was also someone who could make things better. He could make me feel better. I just...I couldn't let Kyaire go. He loved me the best way he knew how. He loved a little too hard and lashed out at times but it was better than not being loved at all when loving someone and finding my person was all I'd ever wanted.
I didn't have the strength in me to admit that I was transgender to Kyaire nor did I have any fight in me to rat on Montell and face him in court. Therefore I kept my mouth shut about the attack when I'd returned. Montell hadn't tried to kill me because I'd deceived him or anything. He'd done what he'd done simply out of hate for transgender women or anyone else who was part of the LGBTQ community.
I feared that if I took what happened to court I'd have to sit on that stand and admit that I wasn't biologically a woman, he'd found out, and that was what set him off. I could only imagine how that would be broadcasted on the news and in the papers. I didn't want that kind of attention. It would only bring out other transphobic assholes and put my life in even more danger.
"Tell me what's on your mind." He reached across the table to take my hands in his. I glanced at his hands and wrapped my arms around myself as I looked off to the side. "Baby love? Look at me."
I fought the urge to cry in front of him. When I was sure that I could talk to and even look at him without shedding tears, I finally looked at him and placed my hands in his.
"You look so sad, baby. I don't like seeing that shit, especially when I'm stuck in here and you have to leave and deal with whatever you're feeling alone." He furrowed his brows. Me being upset had obviously upset him.
