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I've just gotten home from work to a pregnant Kaishawn. I've not forgotten what he did yesterday but I'm over it, I think it's disrespectful for someone who's in a relationship to watch another persons only fans, but I'm not trying to trip over it.
"Kai I'm home" I said as I came through the door, Kai came out and said hi followed by a kiss, he looked nervous and I started to panic. "Is someone here Kai?" He shook his head no. "I'm going to ask again Kai is that boy here?" "No we were on the phone earlier because he called me but he said he's sorry for how he behaved. "Ok" I started to walk away again, "don't be like that, you wanted me to have more friends so I can leave you alone. Now that I did you want me to not be friends with him anymore?" I know this is something I should work on but I just got home from work and I hate arguing, plus I'm not understanding how he's not getting my point. If I talk to him he's likely to cry so I charge the whole thing. "Kai do whatever you want, be friends with him if you want. I've done charged the whole situation. Do as you please baby"
"You want something to eat?" I asked Kai, I've just woken up from my nap and didn't see any food so I figured he ate nothing. "Are you still angry at me?" "Nah Kai you're good, I just want to get food with my man and chill" I'm not upset with Kai, I'm just disappointed that he doesn't understand how he's wrong but I'm glad I didn't give him the ring as yet, I need to really make sure this is what we both want.
"What can I get for you both today?" Asked our server, she looks really familiar, like we went high school together. "Oo my god Vonny. Heyyy" she started laughing and I knew exactly who she was. My mom's the only one who calls me this and when she heard she started to make fun of the name. "Wassup witchu?" "I'm great just working here till I get a better job, how're your parents?" "They're good, yours?" "They're good too" "This is Kaishawn my man, Kaishawn this is Madison my friend from school" "heyyyyyy" Madison said, but Kaishawn just nodded his head. "We should chill sometime vonny. But let me get y'all orders"
Kai's been quiet while we eat and I know why, usually I'd try to talk to him and get this sorted but I'm not wasting my time. He's probably upset about Madison but still can't see his wrong with ole dude. Crazy to me. We're walking back to the car now and Kai has still said nothing, he's just sitting next to me. As I'm driving, I hear sniffling, I look over to see Kai sitting crying silently. I kept driving. We got home and I helped him inside and to the room.
"I'm sorry Jah, ok?" "Ok" he just looked at me while I looked at him. "I'm really sorry Jah" he starts to cry loudly now but it's not phasing me because I know who's in the right and who's in the wrong, I know being pregnant may cause him to move more off emotions than before but common sense is common sense and just because he cries and apologize doesn't mean he understands where he went wrong. I'm not a monster though and he's still my man so I bring him some tissue and let him wipe and blow his nose.
We're sitting in the front watching a movie and Kai is trying to sit on my lap, I allow him to while I watch the movie I put on. I don't want this tension anymore it's been 2 days I've been feeling a way about him and I thought he would get it by now but he seems like he won't ever get it.
"Kai get up a second leh me talk to you" "whyyyyyy" he whined. "Just get up" "ok" we're now looking at each other and I begin . "I don't like how this relationship is going, I've been letting it go but it doesn't make sense letting go what happened if you're likely to do it again, I'm not happy you watched another niggas only fans, I'm not happy that you're friend has the most to say about me and our relationship especially when it's negative. Stop don't talk. I want this relationship to work, but if you're going to not set boundaries with your friends and what y'all can do together but then get upset when anyone speaks to me I'm not going to stay. I can't be in a relationship where you can do and say what you like but I can't, just because I'm not a jealous person doesn't mean I don't know what should be accepted when in a relationship" Kai is just crying now and saying nothing.
"You don't want to do this anymore?" Kai asked me "What? I literally just said I want this to work, are you serious" "I want it to work too, what should I do?" "Nah Kai are you fucking stupid?" He started crying some more "fuck you Jah" "nah fuck you mean fuck me? You the one asking me dumbass questions." "Nah bitch, I was asking to make sure I make the best decision, I'm sorry I'm not perfect like you and make bad decisions. You think just because you don't make mistakes like me that I don't deserve you but I already said I was sorry for what I did" "Kai do you think you deserve me?" "Yes" "well if you deserve me and I deserve you why would you allow your friend to make jabs at me? Or why would you watch the video he was showing you?" Now Kai starts yelling. "I'm sorry, I only stayed his friend because you were hanging with your friends more and I know I can be annoying wanting to spend all my time with you. I just thought I'd make a friend to give you less time, I know it was wrong but I didn't want to lose the extra friend I had and then had to rely on you again." He kept crying
Kai is sleeping, the crying and arguing forced him straight to bed, I've been thinking. Kai is insecure, lonely and bad at communicating. All I need him to do is communicate with me, I can understand where he's coming from but all he has to do is explain to me the issue or why he does what he does. Because of what he said I'm going to make an effort to make him feel as though I want him around more often, I know sometimes I like being on my own but clearly he wants to be with me 24/7. I'm going to make sure he feels as though I want him around 24/7. Usually I'll never be in a relationship with someone who I think is insecure, but I really do think Kai's insecurity is just him not knowing how much I love him and like being around him, I'm accustomed to being alone and this may cause him to feel as though I don't want him around.
As Kai is sleeping I step out and buy some flowers and food. I write a love note, I know it's corny but he'll love it I'm sure. I place the promise ring and the note by the bed head on his phone. I placed the flowers on the table alongside the food, the reason I decided to do this is because I know Kai. I know he wants to feel special 24/7. I also know Kai is the only one for me because if anyone else did this I'd been given up and moved on but I'll never move on from Kai.
