"Best friends forever" is such bullshit because I had a best friend, but he sure as hell isn't forever. Then why is the universe making him my project partner now? And why is he so hot and beautiful... just why?
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"I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her."
He doesn't care! They never do! It's because of you, Julia, I have high standards! Stupid fucking fantastic Notting Hill!
I skipped school, took sick leave, burying my head in all types of junk food and sweets because that's how you mend a broken heart. I might have cried the whole night because when a boy you have loved almost your whole life says you are just a distraction, that will sting. And I didn't have the strength to see his shitty handsome face, so I just skipped school.
"You shouldn't eat those things when you're not feeling well, Noa," Mom says, running around in her daily routine before going to work. I just grunt instead of answering.
She stops in front of the TV and sighs. "I love this movie."
"Yeah, well, it's shitty and gives high standards," I say, taking an aggressive bite of my chips.
Mom places her hand on her hips and faces me. "So why are you watching it?"
"Because I love it," I mumble.
She just smiles, used to my antics, and gets back to her work. But I stop her. "Mom?"
"Yes, sweetheart?" she asks.
"How did you do it?" Her face scrunches up in confusion. "I know you and Dad had issues with his job in New York, and I also know it was bad. How did you... you know, mend that?"
She tilts her head at the question, then comes and sits beside me, snuggling with me. "Well... I will not lie to you. It was hard and it was ugly, but you have to compromise a little for the people you love and I love you both very much." She looks at me and massages my hair
"But why did you have to compromise? Why did you listen to his insults?"
"Oh no, honey! That was one of the ugly moments, and we both insulted each other. But we both compromised to live happily. Him by coming home every weekend to spend time with us even though it exhausts him, and me by not taking my big job and staying here to take care of you. And I don't think any of us regrets it. That's what you do when you love someone, but it has to be two-way. You both have to meet in the middle." I lean my head on her shoulder, and we both look at the screen where Hugh Grant asks Julia Roberts the question in the interview.
"There's a boy," I say. Mom starts to say something but stops, trying to listen to me. "We were sort of together, but then he said I was a distraction." I scoff bitterly and look at Mom with tears in my eyes. "Mom, I get compromising. He says he has priorities, and I don't want him to let go of them, but... I don't want to be anybody's distraction. That's not what I am."
"And you are not. But sometimes people say things they don't want or they don't mean. If this guy really cares about you, he will clear things with you. You too have to speak your mind, Noa. You can't stay silent and expect him to talk to you. And if he still thinks you are a distraction, then he is not worth your time." She rubs my cheek in admiration. "Love is not easy, honey. You have to fight for it and claim it."
I couldn't avoid school for long, so today I went and attended all the classes, trying to avoid even bumping into Mason because I don't have the strength to see him yet. I don't have the strength to see anyone. Today, I went about my day without seeing any of my friends except for Ivy, who surprisingly didn't bring up the topic of my feelings.
At the end of the school day, I tried to go home as unnoticed as I could, but I wasn't that lucky.
"Noa?!" I turn towards the familiar voice and see Mason coming towards me. "Hi! How are you? You weren't at school yesterday."
"Yeah, I wasn't feeling well," I answer to not seem rude.
He nods, understanding my tone. "Noa, about the other night... I wanted to apologize. I should not have said those things. I'm sorry." He closes his eyes in regret.
My heart beats in hope. "What things?"
"I..." He sighs and shakes his head, trying to arrange his thoughts. "I have only ever been with you, in every way, and I don't know how this works." He waves his hands between us. "And I never really expected this. This was never in my plan, and—"
" Mason, I have never been with anyone before you. That doesn't mean you get to hurt anyone," I say, trying to tamp down my anger.
"And I never meant to hurt you, but there were reasons why I stopped talking to everyone, to you. You were the only one who used to make me forget about my parents' shitty marriage, about things that worry me to death, but also... also about my responsibilities, and I can't let that happen."
We both look at each other, me trying to understand how he can turn a good thing into a nightmare, and him not trying to lose me.
"It has always been about you here, your priorities, your responsibilities, and you never ask me how I feel. But I'll tell you." I look into his chocolate eyes, trying to convey the message to fight for me, for us, because I don't think I can anymore. "I love you. I have always loved you. But you'll see that unless you just let go and let me in, let me help you. So, Mason, please don't talk to me unless you let yourself do that because I don't think my heart can heal again." I turn away, never looking back, not letting him see the tears, not letting him see my heart in shreds.
And I just wish that my love is worthy for him to fight for.
