Petals In The Storm #WATTYS2015

Chapter 32: It's Okay Not To Be okay

WARNING: YOU MAY NEED KLEENEX!

A week later...

It eight o'clock on a Monday morning, and I was helping my mother load boxes into the moving van. I was dressed in high waist jean shorts, black converse and a simple Garfield muscle tee.

I wanted to focus on getting these boxes onto the van, and not look at Jonathan's house. Because when I did I felt pain, and a little a bit of guilt for leaving him. I felt like I had to leave, and that it would be better for all of us. I wouldn't have to feel this empty void in this house, and Jonathan wouldn't have to be hurt by anymore.

"Are you okay?" My mom asked as I handed her another box.

"I don't know if I'll ever be okay," I replied truthfully, and I could tell she sensed pain.

She looked at me with a wise, and empathetic look, "It's okay not be okay."

I looked up at her a little surprised by her answer, and I didn't respond. I continued to hand her boxes.

I handed my mom another box, she grabbed it, but she was looking at something behind me. I turned around to see Jonathan standing in his yard with his hands in pockets, and a confused look on his face. I looked back at my mom, and she said, "Go on. I'll finish loading the boxes."

I turned around, walked towards Jonathan, and stopped when I was a couple of inches away from him. He had pain, and confusion shooting through his eyes, "What're doing...?" he asked.

I glanced away for a second, and looked back at him, "I'm...I'm leaving," I replied, and I could see his jaw tense up at my response.

"Were you even going to tell me?" he asked with pain, and a hint of anger.

I shifted my weight on to my other hip, and rubbed my eyes, "Look, Jonathan, I can't... I can't stay here anymore..." I said, "There's nothing here for me anymore..." I added.

Jonathan looked up at me, and I could see the ghosts of tears in his eyes, "Really, what about me?"

"I don't want to hurt you..." I said, and felt tears starting fall down my cheeks.

"Then, don't leave." He replied.

"It's not that simple..."

"Why do you make everything so complicated?" he said with red eyes, "Damn it, Arden, I... I love you," he confessed.

I wiped at the few tears I had shed, and nodded, "I know..." I whispered.

"What can I do to convince you to stay?" he replied shakily.

I shook my head in protest, "Nothing," I weeped, "If I stay I would only be in your way," I added.

"Don't leave me again," he said, as he knelt down, hugged me around my waist, and started to sob in to torso. I felt his gentle hands caress my sides, and gently grip my waist.

I put my hand to my mouth, and then ran my fingers through his hair. I unwrapped his arms from me, and helped him up, "This was never suppose to happen," I sobbed.

Jonathan looked at me with tears running down his cheeks, and red eyes filled with pain, "I'm glad it did... Aren't you?" he asked hopefully.

"We shouldn't have fell in love, because everything that falls, gets broken," I replied painfully, and walked away; leaving a broken, and hurt Jonathan standing there.

I felt like shit, but, I couldn't stay here any longer, hurting my self, and most of all hurting Jonathan. I walked back over to my mom, and she gave me a concerned look, "Are you okay? What happened?" she asked.

"Nothing, can we just go?" I said, and hopped into the moving van passenger seat. My mother hopped into the driver seat, glanced at me, but didn't say anything and she started up the van.

I looked out the window, to see Jonathan sitting on his porch, sitting there and had his head in his hands. He looked up, looked around, and made eye contact with me. I could see the pain in his eyes reflected in my own, and I looked away as my mother started up the van and we drove away.

I'm not perfect. Who is? Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart... I don't know where my heart is. I thought.

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Dear Readers,

What did you guys think! I'm almost done with this story (sadly), but, there are a couple of more chapters, and a prologue. Comment and vote!

QOTD: What do you think of Arden's decision?

Sincerely, Ana XD