Love Can Hurt Sometimes (J.A)

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         Sometimes the person you love  can break your heart the most. It's the unexpected words that hit you like a slap in the face, leaving you reeling in disbelief.

        That's precisely what happened during our discussion, Jensen and I. In our five-year relationship, we've had our share of arguments, but this time felt different. This time, the hurt ran deeper, and I struggled to comprehend how we reached this point. As tears welled up in my eyes, I sat quietly on the couch, biting my lips to stave off the urge to cry.

      "I'm really tired, Y/N. It's like coming home from the set..."   Jensen's words hung in the air, unfinished, as I looked up at him, surprised.  "What about coming home?"  I interjected, my voice trembling with emotion.  "If you're so tired of being with me, why pretend everything's fine?"  The tears flowed freely now, and I tasted blood from biting my lips too hard. Jensen paused, clearly taken aback.  "I-I didn't mean it like that." he stammered, but his words offered little solace.

    "What did you mean, then?  I'm sorry, but just because I'm a psychologist doesn't mean I can understand everything in the subconscious."   I said, trying to keep my voice from shaking. I suddenly stood up and walked towards the door. I took my jacket from the coat rack and spoke without looking at him, "I need some air. And maybe you need some time to think too."   Without waiting for a response, I headed for the door.

      "Y/N, stop! Where are you going?"  Jensen's voice trailed after me, but his tone held a note of desperation rather than anger.

      As I closed the garden gate behind me, I  heard Jensen calling my name,his voice tinged with desperation. When I turned into the street, I couldn't hold myself back anymore and leaned against the wall and started sobbing. Did Jensen truly feel that way? Had he grown tired of me and our relationship? Until that moment, I thought I knew Jensen inside out – my best friend, my lover, my husband. His words felt like a dagger to my heart, shattering my sense of security.

      "All I wanted was for you to see me. I didn't want just a fraction of your time ; I needed more. I thought I mattered more to you than your work, Y/N."   Jensen's words echoed in my mind, fueling my feelings of inadequacy. Was I projecting my own insecurities onto him without even realizing it? Had I been so preoccupied with my own battles that I failed to see his struggles? Meeting Jensen had felt like finding myself, like I could finally be my true self around him. But now, I questioned everything.

      Lost in my thoughts, I continued walking until I found myself sitting on a bench by the sea, staring blankly at the water. Time seemed to blur as I grappled with my emotions, until the vibration of my phone snapped me back to reality. It was just a sales call, but it served as a reminder of how much time had passed – nearly two hours since I left home.

       Even though my heart was broken, I was crazy wondering what Jensen was doing. I remembered how he desperately called my name as I left home. Maybe I overreacted by leaving the house, he obviously had a problem. The man I knew wasn't the type to say such things. Even though I know how reckless he can be when he's angry, he's not towards me. I slowly got up and went back the way I came to go home.

       When I got to the door, I took a deep breath and slowly opened the door. There was no sound. He should have come out too. As I entered the house, the silence was deafening. Jensen should have followed me out. Hanging up my jacket, my eyes fell on the living room sofa, where Jensen lay asleep, clutching a photo of us from our honeymoon. A half-empty glass of whiskey sat on the table beside him. Moving silently, I watched him for a moment, a bittersweet smile tugging at my lips. Retrieving a blanket, I covered him gently before taking the photo from his hand.

        "You came..."  His voice startled me as he stirred awake.  "I came." I replied softly, my heart heavy with unspoken words.   "I... I'm so sorry, darling."  he began, attempting to sit up. I shook my head, urging him to rest.  "Let's not talk about it now. You're not yourself."   I insisted, gesturing to the glass.  "You go to sleep; I'll be upstairs."  

         "No, I'm fine."  he protested, tossing the blanket aside. Taking my hands in his, he continued, "Your eyes are red. I hate myself for causing you pain."  I withdrew my hands, unable to meet his gaze, and sat a few feet away. Though I saw the hurt in his eyes, I knew he needed to understand the gravity of his words.

        "Why did you leave?"  he asked softly.  "We both needed space to calm down."  I explained, taking a deep breath before continuing, "You seemed distant, and I... I thought if I left for a while, you might feel better."   Tears threatened to surface again, and I bit my lip to steady myself.           "I thought... I thought you were bored with me."  I confessed, finally meeting his gaze.

      "Bored with you? Where did you get that idea?"  His expression betrayed his confusion.  "You said it yourself, Jensen. 'I'm really tired now, Y/N. As if the set wasn't enough, when I got home...' Those were your words."  I replied, searching his face for answers.

     "That's not what I meant."  he insisted, his tone pleading for understanding. I regarded him skeptically, unsure of what to believe.

*TO BE CONTİNUED*

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