His Rockstar

39. | A Big F U

Gianna managed to get us all downstairs for dinner, but it's quiet, aside from the sound of silverware scraping against the plate. The tension is so thick you could cut it with a knife.

Alex's hand never leaves mine, and I'm thankful. Because I'm a step away from either lunging at him or having another meltdown.

"So..." Amelia draws out, obviously awkward.

"This is awkward." Jane murmurs.

"Jane." Gianna whispers.

"What?" She whispers back, confused. I inhale slowly, exhaling.

"Why'd Lindsey attack that man, Mom?" James asks.

My dad's fork drops. "You know what, that's a very good question." He looks at me. "Why'd you attack me, Lindsey?"

"You killed my sister." I whisper.

"Your sister killed herself."

I look directly at him as I sneer, "Because of you."

"I had no part in your sister's death, Lindsey. Don't be trying to shift the blame on me. Your sister made her choice."

I let out a humorless laugh. "Because of you, Dad! She killed herself because of all the pressure you were putting on her to be a lawyer. The same pressure you put on me!"

"Maybe if you two would've just listened, none of this would've happened!" He yells, glaring at me.

"You're full of shit." I sneer. "If you had just owned up to being a father instead of being a workaholic and so self-involved, maybe you would've actually realized that you were hurting us. That you're hurting me."

"Don't be such a baby. If you would just listen instead of being—" He stops himself, gripping his silverware tightly as he blows a breath through his nose.

"Instead of being what?" I challenge, daring him to finish his sentence. "A disappointment?"

"Lindsey," Alex whispers, but I ignore him.

"Yes!" He snaps. "If you would've just become a lawyer and actually gone to school, you would've been just as great as I was! If you were a lawyer, you wouldn't have grown up into such a disappointment for a daughter!"

I jump to my feet, slamming my hands on the table. "I don't want to be just like you! I want to be me, not a fucking lawyer! I wanted to sing, but I couldn't because my dreams are just dreams, aren't they, Dad? I will never be a Hayes because I'm not a lawyer."

"Singing isn't a career. You would've never succeeded if you were to follow it. I only saved you from the heartache." He shakes his head.

"Look at Alex!" I demand, waving a hand to him. "He's happy, and singing. He's the one who sparked that dream, Dad. And I was going to follow through with it because I just wanted you to be proud of me. I rose to the highest job at my company because I just wanted you to be proud of me!" My eyes swell with tears as I shake my head. "But I will never be enough for you. I wasn't your daughter. I was only ever your business partner. And in your head, that is all I'll ever be to you."