His Rockstar

47. | Everything I've Always Wanted

Standing on the front porch, I hesitate, my nerves eating away at my stomach. I think I'm going to be sick.

"Lindsey," Alex grabs my hand, encasing it in his. "We don't have to do this if you're not ready."

I shake my head. "No. We have to do this." I take a deep breath.

"If you're not ready, we can leave. I can wait."

"That's the problem. I don't think I'll ever be ready." He gives me a somber look, but I also see the pity in his eyes. Hating it, I turn away, rapping my knuckles against the door. I can't stand him looking at me like that.

The door opens and I recognize the familiar black curly hair. "You're here."

I nod, smiling thinly. "I'm here."

"To be honest, when you said you wanted to see Delilah, I didn't think you'd show up. Much like last time." She smiles unsurely. Because last time, I talked myself out of it.

"Well, I'm here now." I state.

"Here, come in." She steps aside, and we step inside, standing awkwardly in the foyer. That's littered with toys. "Don't mind the mess. Delilah has a habit of making it look like a tornado blew through."

"It's fine." I say.

"Come. She's playing in the living room." She nods her head in the direction before walking off.

Alex whispers down to me, "You chose Vanessa Harlow to raise our daughter? The very girl who stopped being friends with you the second your sister was gone?"

"She was the only person I could trust." I whisper back to him as we follow Vanessa. "She was willing to raise Delilah, as long as I came back for her once I could afford it."

He sighs. We follow Vanessa into the living room, a little girl with her hair in blond pigtails on her head.

"Delilah, wanna say hi?" Vanessa calls. She ignores her, playing with the blocks in front of her.

Walking to her, I crouch, smiling softly at her. "Hi, Delilah." I whisper. She looks up at me, her pigtails flying. Her eyes are blue, like mine, but I can immediately tell she's Alex's daughter. Her cheekbones, eyes, and the shape of her lips. Identical to Alex.

She smiles at me. "Hi." She says, waving her hand.

"Hi." I smile back at her. Alex walks to me, crouching beside me.

Vanessa follows, placing a hand on Delilah's back. "Del, this is your mommy. Like the pictures."

She tilts her head at me. "Mommy?"

"Yeah." I reply softly. "And this is your daddy."

Grabbing a block, she hands both me and Alex one. "Play." Me and Alex share a glance. I shrug, deciding to indulge her. And so we spend the majority of the evening playing with her, getting to know the little girl she's begun to grow up to be.

Once dinner time rolls around, we help set up for dinner, setting out plates and making dinner. I stand next to her in the kitchen, helping her. "Thanks for letting us see her."

"Of course, Lindsey. She's your daughter, I'm not gonna keep her from you." She smiles kindly at me.

"Look, I know taking care of a child is a lot to deal with. But thank you for taking her in."

"She's really not that much of a hassle. Plus, it's practice for when we have our own." She glances at me from stirring the spaghetti on the stove. "Michael should be home soon, but who knows. He's always working late."

"How is he? Michael?"

"He's good." She nods. "He loves Del as if she were his own."

"I'm glad." I smile. "It's nice to know she has a place to call home with people who appreciate her."

She sighs, turning to me and grabbing my hands. "I think you should take her." I look at her, confused. "I don't want to raise her her entire life. She deserves to be with her real mother. Her real father."

"I want to, I do, but I can't." I state.

"I know. But you should at least try." She gives me a small smile. "I love Del like she was my own, but when our baby comes, we won't be able to give her the proper attention she needs. She needs you."

I backtrack. "Wait, you're pregnant?"

She smiles. "Oops."

"Congrats. I'm happy for you." I pull her into a hug.

She laughs. "Thank you." Then she's pulling away. "Lindsey, I want you to know that I never hated you. And I'm sorry I treated you like shit after Del died."

I smile slightly. "Don't worry. You were willing to take in my daughter when I couldn't, so I can't exactly hate you."

At that, we both laugh a little. "Come on. Help me with dinner." She nods her head to the stove. "Spaghetti's her favorite."

And for the rest of the night, we spend the time laughing and spending time with Delilah. She's a sweetheart with a little crazy in her. Considering she was splashing her face with spaghetti sauce.

Michael arrives home in the middle of dinner, Vanessa getting up to greet him in the doorway. "How was work?"

"Good. You didn't tell me we'd have guests." He smiles kindly at us. "I'm Michael."

"Alex." Alex inclines his head, waving slightly.

"Good to see you again, Lindsey." Michael smiles at me.

"You, too." I smile back at him. Last time he saw me, I was dropping off Delilah and asking them to take care of her.

Michael joins in on the dinner and we share stories while also paying attention to whatever stories Delilah wants to tell us.

This. This is everything I want. To be happy, in love, with a family. I want Alex, Delilah, and I to be a family.

And I realize, that's all I've ever wanted.