His Rockstar

19. | The Good Old Days

I almost died. I almost died.

"Here." I take the cup offered to me, hot coffee sitting in the cup. Alex sits beside me, Theo on the opposite couch and Lucas in the doorway. "What happened out there?"

I take a deep breath, using the cup to warm up my hands. "I went under, to soak my body, and suddenly I couldn't get up. I panicked and next thing I knew, I was waking up outside of the pool."

"I tried to catch them, but they were fast. Either you were attacked by a girl, or a very feminine looking guy." Theo tells, leaning forward on his seat.

Which means that a crazy fan wants me dead. The death threats didn't seem bad at first, but now they're escalating. God, I'm turning into Naomi.

"Lindsey," Alex whispers, pulling my attention from the cup in my hands. "Are you sure you haven't gotten anything? No death threats, no gifts, nothing?"

I want to tell him. It's on the tip of my tongue, but I just can't do it.

I nod. "I'm sure." I shrug the blanket off my shoulders, setting my cup on the coffee table. "I'm going to head upstairs."

They don't say anything as I walk up the stairs. I change into a pair of leggings and an oversized hoodie, laying on my side, facing the window with my phone in my hands.

A picture of me and Del sits on my phone. Our eyes are squeezed shut, grins on our faces as I take the picture. There are times like these where I wish I could go back in time. Where I can try to stop her. Where I can save her. Where we can live a full, happy life.

But I don't have that power, and I hate it.

There's a knock on my door before it's being pushed open. I don't turn to them, though I have a very good idea who it is. I can tell by the way he walks.

Alex says nothing as he lays down on the bed beside me. We say nothing as we sit in silence.

I'm the first to break it. "You know, I always wondered why she did it. She seemed happy." I let out a bitter laugh. "She's one hell of an actress." Still, he doesn't say anything. I don't blame him. I wouldn't know what to say either. "Can't really blame her, though. I would've, too."

"Have you thought about it?" He asks finally, his voice soft.

I sigh. "Thought about it. But Del was always the one to pull me back. Looks like that wasn't the case for her."

"You don't know that. You don't know what she was thinking in her last moments. She could've been holding on as long as she could for you."

"Just wish she would've left a note, you know? Tell me why she did it. What she was going through." I shrug my shoulders. "Instead, I'm left feeling alone in a world I still don't fully understand." I whisper on a sigh.

"Why do you feel alone?" He sounds genuinely confused by my statement. As if it's a shock that I wouldn't — and don't — have any friends.

"Del was the closest thing to a friend I could get. I was the weird girl. The quiet girl. The 'Daddy's a famous lawyer' girl." I remember hating how much attention we got. How much attention Del got. She was the popular, pretty girl. I was a nobody.

"So we were the only friends you've really had? What about your coworkers?"

I scoff a laugh. "They're my friends, but they're not my best friends." I push myself up, wrapping my arms around my legs. "I don't have a Maya like Naomi does, or Kasey like Rhys does, or a Mandy like Sierra does, or-or a Theo or a Lucas like you do. I have no one."

I feel him adjust. "That's not true."

"Then who do I have? You?" Finally, I look at him, and I immediately regret it. Because all I see is pity. And I hate it. "You think because we're in this little fake relationship that I have you? I've never had you, Alex." I shake my head, hating how my eyes burn. I don't want him to see me cry, but I can't just up and leave. "I didn't have you then, and I sure as hell don't have you now."

"Why not?" He challenges.

"Because we hate each other."

"No. I have never hated you." He shakes his head. "It's always been you who hated me."

"But I disappeared. I ditched you with no explanation. You should hate me for it."

"There is a difference between hate and anger." Almost hesitantly, he reaches up and brushes a strand of hair behind my ear. "I have never once hated you, no matter what you did."

I don't respond. How can I? After everything, I thought the hate was a mutual thing. At least I did years ago, before we met.

"Why?" Is all I can utter.

"Because," His voice is soft. "I see in you what others don't. I always have." My brows furrow ever so slightly, and he continues, "I know your favorite color is pink. I know that you love all the fancy dress up stuff. You love natural looks instead of bold. You love to fit in rather than to stick out. You're sentimental, even if you try to hide it. I know that your favorite flower is a pink rose. And that you have your own assortment of bows hidden somewhere in your closet—"

"I do not." I do. He gives me a challenging look, and I know he's caught me. I hate how he knows so much about me.

"I know things that not even you know about yourself. Because I paid attention. Even when you didn't think I did, you always had my attention."

I did? I always thought nobody paid attention to me. Unless it was to patronize me, obviously.

"You're not as invisible as you think you are." I don't know what to say to that. Maybe he's right. "Hey, remember back in high school when we broke into the school and spray painted almost everything?"

I can't stop the smile that overtakes my face. I groan, stuffing my face into my hands. "Don't remind me."

"You spray painted a penis onto Lisa Normandy's locker." I hear the humor in his voice before he's laughing, but he sounds like he's trying to stifle it.

I lift my face from my hands to meet his eye. "Yeah, well, I also called her shit-eating cunt, so," I shrug.

"I remember that. The look on her face. Priceless." He snickers.

"Remember when we made the entire school hate us because they found out we planted fake love letters in everyone's lockers?" Me and Alex believed it was an amazing idea to write fake love letters and put them in everyone's lockers, which turned out to be a very, very bad idea.

"Oh, yeah." He grins. "We broke up so many relationships."

"But the good thing is we also started some new ones." I state.

He nods in agreement. "True."

We fall silent, smiles playing on our faces. But mine gradually fades. After a long, quiet moment, I speak up, my arms wrapped tight around my legs. "I'm sorry you had to deal with that."

"With what?"

"Me."

He places one hand on top of mine. "You almost died, Lindsey. Don't apologize for that." I want to argue, but I know that arguing this with Alex will always end with him winning and me losing. A grin suddenly appears on his face. "Want to pull a prank on Theo and Lucas? Like the good old days?"

A grin pulls at my lips, matching his. The good old days. Back when my life wasn't such a fucking mess. God, how I miss it.

"Let's do it."