His Rockstar

48. | Love

Sitting on my couch in my living room, I scroll on my phone with my feet up on the couch. We've gotten back from Vanessa's after spending the weekend there. Her offer.

Delilah has gotten quite accustomed to us. She particularly seemed to enjoy Alex, considering she jumped on him this morning to wake him up. Before we left, Vanessa made sure that we had a picture with her.

Already, I miss her. If only I could have her here with me.

Sure, I have Alex to help, but what about his career? He can't always be there to help me. And I have a job. I can't take her to work with me all the time.

As much as I wish I could, I can't take care of her the way she needs.

Alex sits down on the couch beside me, drawing my attention from the mindless scrolling through Instagram. "What are you so in thought about?" He asks, grabbing the remote from the coffee table and throwing his feet up.

"Missing Delilah." I smile slightly. It's the most I can muster.

"Yeah. She really is a firecracker, that one." He chuckles. "Reminds me of an awful lot of someone I know." He nudges me, drawing a bigger smile out of me.

It's a miracle he can.

"I'm not a firecracker." I retort, rolling my eyes.

He hums disbelievingly. "I wouldn't be too sure about that."

"I am not." I deny.

"You're feisty, and when you're comfortable around people, you can be energetic." He throws back. "Remember when we were in Texas for that talk show?"

"Ah, but how could I forget?" I comment sarcastically. It was also the time I almost died.

"Admit it." He nudges me again. "You're a firecracker."

"Yeah, and what are you?" I turn my body to face him.

"Devastatingly handsome?" He retorts, flipping his invisible hair over his shoulder.

I laugh. "If you say so."

Alex pulls out his phone, pulling up the picture of me, Alex, and Delilah. We're all grinning at the camera, Delilah's hand in her mouth.

"Can't believe we made that." He whispers.

"Yeah." I smile. "Crazy how recklessness can create something so pure, so beautiful."

"Yeah." He smiles down at the photo. "She's got your hair."

"For now." I retort. "Del had blonde hair before it got darker."

"Well, I hope it stays. She looks just as pretty as her mother." My heart flutters. Leave it up to Alex to say something that completely knocks me off my feet. Or, it would if I weren't sitting. "And she's got your eyes."

"Yeah." I smile. "I think blue eyes are common in my family."

"Have you seen Jane?" He quirks a brow at me. "She's entirely made of recessive traits. You'd think you and her were sisters if you stood next to each other."

I snort. "A blonde in a sea of brunettes. Who would've thought?"

"You should've met them back then. I'm sure they would've loved you." He smiles.

"I wasn't meeting anyone. I was lucky to even be hanging out with you, Theo, and Lucas." I state. Imagine how my dad would've reacted if he found out I was hanging out with all three of them. And better yet singing.

"Well, I don't regret it." He smiles at me, an unfamiliar spark in his eye. We fall silent for a few moments before he's breaking it. "You know what I first noticed about you?"

"What?" My voice is softer, matching his.

He turns his body to me, one leg up on the couch. "Your eyes."

"Why? They're no different than anybody else with blue eyes."

"Because they are. When you're happy, your eyes sparkle. I remember spending so many years studying you, watching your eyes. How do you think I can read you so well?" His hand reaches up, brushing my hair behind my ear.

"I just thought you knew me too well." I whisper. My stomach is doing somersaults, and I can't stop it. Damn him and his words.

"That, and your eyes. Your eyes spoke so much more than you did." He whispers, glancing down at my lips. "I have always loved your eyes."

I love you.

The shocking revelation knocks the air out of me. But...it's true.

At first, I found him annoying. Partially due to Del talking about them twenty-four seven. But when I finally decided to let him in, when I finally realized he didn't want to use me or to ruin me, I started to fall.

Whenever I was bored, Alex was the first person I turned to. I spent more time in Alex's garage than I did in my own house.

I felt happiest when I was with Alex. Even with Theo and Lucas and Daniel and Ben and Lanie. I was happy with them.

They brought to life the part of me that I thought had died.

And it was all because of Alex. Alex was the one who was always there. He was always by my side. He knew me better than I knew myself, and that's what I loved about him. What I love about him.

He knows my anxiety. He knows my fears. The best way to cheer me up. To calm me down.

He knows me like the back of his hand.

"What's happening in that head of yours?" He whispers, fidgeting with my hair. "What are you thinking about?"

Precisely my point.

"I..." I hesitate. I can't tell him. But even if I lied to him, he'd know. If I tell him, will he hate me? I inhale a deep breath, looking him directly in the eye as I whisper, "I think I'm in love with you."

My heart thumps wildly, scared for his reaction. But then his lips spread into a smile as he leans closer to me.

"I never stopped."

His lips fall on mine, distracting me from any other thought but him. His hand buries itself in my hair while the other is on my hip, my hand cupping his cheek. I lean back and he pulls me to him by my hip, laying us down on the couch.

My nails scratch at his scalp, drawing a groan from him. His fingers dig into my skin as he grinds against me, drawing a moan from me.

Somehow, we end up in our bedroom, Alex climbing atop of me. Though we've had sex many times, this time is different.

It's sensual, gentle almost. It's not just sex.

This time, it's love.

And somehow that makes everything so much more heightened. So much more exciting and pleasurable.

He makes me forget everything except our bodies, his touch, the feel of his hands, his lips on me. It feels just as it had six years ago. Back when things were simpler. Back when everything was fine, when the most we had to worry about were SATs and finals. Back when we were happy.

If I had the chance to go back in time, I wouldn't. Because I have him now and that's all I ever wanted.