I ≠ dol || Yeonbin

•.Everything's Going to be Okay.•

Dirty. Thats all Soobin could say he felt like in that moment. Completely filthy. He had been brought back to the dorms with the rest of his members hours ago but he still could feel the dizziness from the alcohol, the beat of the music and the burn in his lower back.

He showered himself aggressively, leaving his skin raw and red. Brushed his teeth to the point where any sip of water would feel too cold. He laid in his bed, covers over his aching body, and he felt nothing.

He felt as if every inch of happiness he had in his grasp had been yanked out of his bleeding hands. He suffered through those moments of painful forceful blowjobs that perverted staff member had put him through but today was worse. He raped him.

He felt like he couldn't look at himself without seeing someone weak. Someone who couldn't protect themselves. Someone who couldn't get his body to fight back enough. He felt like he almost let the older win and get what he wanted. He knew deep down that those thoughts were wrong but it was all he could think about. He felt like he deserved some sort of punishment for the problems he's let grow and spread.

He just wanted to take some control back over himself again.

Cut.

A voice in the back of his head whispered. He froze at the violent suggestion it made.

It's normal.

He felt like he was being controlled as he stood up from his bed and wandered into the empty kitchen.

Come on it's okay.

The voice offered a sort of comfort to his distressed state. A form of backup and support.

Go grab it.

He listened to the voice as he opened up a specific drawer in the dorms kitchen, full of random supplies the members threw into it. He pulled out a blue box cutter, holding it tightly.

You'll feel better.

Soobin inhaled quietly. He turned around and turned on the kitchen sink, hopping up onto the counter. He pulled up his loose shorts before running the box cutter underneath the cool water.

That's it. Just one.

He put the blade up to the smooth skin on his upper thigh.

It's your fault. This is just payback.

The voice in his head turned aggressive. He was taken aback but nevertheless he still listened to the voice. He applied pressure onto the skin, inhaling a breath before slashing quickly and strongly.

It wasn't deep enough. Again.

He obeyed and ran the blade over his thigh until the voice was screaming with joy. He, himself even started smiling as he felt all tension leaving his body, a blissed out feeling filling his chest.

He looked down and stared at the skin, watching as red blood trickled down his thigh and onto the counter. He needed to clean up before the members could see him. He forgot he was in such an open space.

He quickly grabbed some paper towels, pressing them up against his thigh and rinsed off the blade before putting it back. Then he scrambled off towards his room. He entered and looked at Sunghoon, who he shared his room with, still sleeping soundly on his bed.

He smiled softly at how adorable Sunghoon looked in his bed and headed over to his own bed. He pressed the paper towels onto his open wound before wiping at it, satisfied that the cuts weren't pouring blood anymore he threw away the paper towels and laid down, his lack of sleep finally catching up to him and his thoughts slowing down for once. He whispered sweet nothings to himself to calm his body down, drifting off to sleep.

Everything's going to be okay.

•.•.

Yeonjun woke up in his bed next to Beomgyu. Beomgyu was currently holding onto Yeonjun's waist in a tight grip.

Yeonjun had brought him straight home after he found him in the bathroom at the party. He couldn't believe that his best friend, the one who's such a bright and sweet person was put through something like that. Yeonjun's throat closed up at the mere thought of the assault.

He looked down when he felt Beomgyu move. Soon after, Beomgyu opened his eyes and made eye contact with the other boy.

"Morning Beomie..." Yeonjun said quietly, trying not to be loud in case he was super hungover. Beomgyu slightly smiled back and whispered back, "Hi."

Yeonjun watched as Beomgyu rubbed at his eyes with his sweater paws, he was wearing Yeonjun's hoodie because he likes that they're oversized on him.

Yeonjun continued just staring at his best friend as he sat up and pushed Yeonjun flat on his back. The older let the younger straddle him before locking their lips together.

Their kisses are sloppy and rough, hurting their lips. Beomgyu nips at Yeonjun's bottom lip, sending shocks down to his dick.

Beomgyu whimpers as Yeonjun lets his hands travel south and cups the youngers ass. Beomgyu pulls him in tight, his hands twisting in Yeonjun's t-shirt. Beomgyu pulled away, needing air. Yeonjun's lips travel down to his neck, sucking. Beomgyu tugs slightly on the older's hair, getting a groan out of him. One of Yeonjun's hands travels upwards, pushing his shirt up to his chest. He pinches the youngers nipple, making the one straddling shiver slightly.

"Hyung," the younger whines into Yeonjun's ear and that's when he snaps out of it. He stops holding onto Beomgyu and pushes him off of his lap. Beomgyu looks at the older, confused by the rejection.

"Beomgyu. This isn't a healthy coping mechanism. You just got assaulted last night. I don't want you to regret this once we're done." Yeonjun said calmly as he grabbed Beomgyu's hands, holding them gently.

Beomgyu seemed unappreciative of this however, his eyebrows furrowing. He pulled his hands back. "How can I regret it if we've been doing this since high school."

"Beomgyu. I love you and you're my best friend. I want you to heal from last night in a healthy way. Please don't use sex as a way to cope. I'm serious Beomie. Please?" Yeonjun said with sincerity.

It seemed to work because the next thing he knew Beomgyu was cuddling up to him again, laying next to him with his head tucked into Yeonjun's next. Beomgyu started crying and all Yeonjun could do was hold him close and whisper into his ear.

"Everything's going to be okay."

•.•.

I hope you all enjoyed this chapter.

One dream! ~ Kai 🫶🏼

4/19/24