Ones In A Lifetime (Jelena)

Chapter 7

Selena's POV:

Christmas Eve

Hot chocolate and few good friends makes all the pain go. But what when they are gone too? Pain and confusion, two good old friends come uninvited to spend the night with you. And that is exactly what happened.

Because it was Rosie's first Christmas I wanted to make something special to celebrate. More for myself then for her because she will not remember anything anyways. Everybody came and the dinner was more than successful. We laughed, sang and remembered how we meet and what we were thinking about each other at that time. It was really funny but of course nobody know me without Justin and that is when the night got hard for me. Smile was plastered on my face like I don't mind but my heart was on fire.

He disappeared again. I thought after we slept in same bed that I will wake up in his arms happy like I use to be but that was not the case.

Now that everybody left I decided to go check up on Rosie and then go to sleep. Longer I stay awake more it hurts. After I spent long half an hour just standing by Rosie's nursery and looking at her I decided it is time for bed.

It was near midnight when I heard my phone buzzing. I pick it up and the familiar felling float thought my body. The calmness all over. I missed these weird calls.

With the phone in my hand I didn't realized where I was going until I felt the soft silk bed setting underneath me. That is when it hit me. I was in our room. I slowly put down the phone and went to take my diary. It is that time again. I opened it. Gosh I didn't see this notebook in years.

I decided to read last few pages just to remind myself how I felt before. Nearly on the end I flipped the page to find the messy handwriting and I knew who it belongs to. I covered my mouth with my hand while reading it in order to sustain scream.

Dear Selena,

I know it is wrong that I'm writing in your diary and more so that I read few of the pages but I hope you will forgive me.

I'm writing this to apologize. I know what you think right now. Yes I already apologized but it is not good enough. Nothing is good enough when it comes to you.

I'm sorry Sel. I'm sorry for running away when you asked me a simple question 4 years ago. I'm sorry I never answer to none of your calls or messages. I'm sorry for treating you like you are not worth it even though your name is worth more than my whole life. I'm sorry for not telling you that I love you when I came back when I knew I do. And most of all I'm sorry for giving up on us when you never did.

So don't be sad and don't blame yourself for anything. I'm the one who deserve to suffer. They say pain is inevitable and suffering is optional. So don't you dare to suffer. Please go and make your fairytale with the man I hope deserves you more then I will ever. Be happy and ones in your life have a light I never brought you. Although you are the lightest thing that came into mine.

You were never trying to make me love you, you were trying to make me love me and because of that I think you will be extraordinary mother. Take care of my little princess would you?

I saw the engagement ring and that is way I left. I'm sorry for running again but I have no other option. Your world would be much easier is I never came back and that is way I will stay away. I can't watch love of my life marrying other man. I wouldn't survive.

I wish you all the best and take care.

Love you

J

No Jay you don't know anything I wanted to scream...

He will be the death of me...