Tila Tala

XI

Aaminin ko, mahina ako sa mga ganito. I cannot bear a lot of problems, I know my limit. Lumaki akong halos walang pinoproblema, kaya siguro lumaki rin akong hirap maghawak ng mga ito, mabilis maapektuhan sa mga bagay na bumubulabog sa akin. My pain tolerance is so low, and I hate how I cannot handle even an easy situation.

Nagkulong ako sa kuwarto hanggang magtanghalian. I assumed, Mommy is still not home. Kung narito siya ay paniguradong kakatok na siya para batiin ako’t salubungin ng halik at yakap. I suddenly felt so down, nawalan na ako ng gana para sa araw na ito.

“Tal... lunch tayo, I cooked.”

If Daddy didn’t call me for lunch and say that he cooked for me his specialty which is my favorite, hindi talaga ako bababa para kumain.

“Why are you so inappetent, hmm? Something’s bothering you?” Daddy asked when he noticed.

“Wala po...” I answered. “Hindi pa lang po ako binabati ni Isagani... saka ni Mommy.” I looked up to him and flashed a small smile.

I heard him sigh. “She’ll be here, anak. Let’s wait a few more moments.”

“Hindi niyo po ba siya hahanapin? Susunduin kung nasaan man siya? Do you even know where she is right now?”

Tiningnan niya ako ng may pag-aalala. He even looked so sorry as if he knew that I knew. “Tala...”

“Daddy...” I called. He nodded once. Sumuko siya at nagpaalam na hahanapin ang Mommy ko pagkatapos ng tanghalian.

I patiently waited. But they did not come home until the sun set. I opened the door expecting nothing.

“Tala girl, happy birthday!” Tiffany exaggeratedly greeted.

“What a so so happy birthday.”

Nang mapansin niyang hindi ako okay ay agad siyang nag-alala. Bumuntot siya sa akin hanggang sa kusina. I told her we have nothing for today because something came up.

“Shopping? My treat!” Tiffany offered, probably, trying to lighten up the mood.

I smiled and thanked her, but I shook my head. I'd rather stay at home and wait until my parents arrive. Saka lang ako magsasaya kapag magkakasama na ulit kami. Kahit hindi ko na birthday.

“Any information about Gani?” I tried to ask.

“Not home raw sabi ni Dhea, the kapitbahay.”

“Bakit?” I whispered. “Hindi niya ba alam?” Na mahalaga ang araw na ito para sa akin?

Sa bagay, we just met, a few months ago. Hindi pa namin gaanong kilala ang isa’t isa. Marami pa akong hindi alam tungkol sa kaniya, and vice versa. I removed Isagani in my mind. Okay. I guess, I have to celebrate it all alone.

“You sure, okay ka lang? Mag-isa ka rito... puwede namang mamaya pa ako.”

I shook my head. “I’m fine, Tiff. Sa Monday na lang. Thank you...”

Ngayong mag-isa na ulit ako, dumiretso ako sa kusina. I took the cake that Mommy baked out of the refrigerator. I looked for a candle to light up, then I saw birthday candles in a drawer. Isa-isa kong itinusok iyon sa ibabaw ng cake, saktong-sakto, twenty pieces lahat iyon.

I sang happy birthday on my own. This is the saddest birthday I could ever have. I closed my eyes as I whispered a wish. “Happy birthday, Tala Amore...”

“Happy birthday, my love...”

Nangilid ang luha ko. “Mommy...”

I ran towards her for a warm hug I was waiting for the whole day. Sinalubong niya ako’t niyakap ng mahigpit. She whispered I love you and... I’m sorry. I cannot understand, really. But what’s important right now is she’s here.