On his twenty-first birthday, I gave my sweetest ‘yes’. I organized a surprise intimate debut celebration for Isagani. Us and a few friends, like Dhea, Tiffany, and Kyle. Ang we are now celebrating our fifth month, kasabay ng pagbabalik ng pasok.
“Juniors? Uh, time flies so fast.”
“Feels like yesterday when I first saw you, running late with me.”
“I forgot my ID! So I have to wait for it sa gate pa, sakto naman, you entered when Daddy arrived para ibigay ang ID ko sa akin. Late ka rin kaya!”
“Kasalanan ng alarm ko ‘yon...”
Like the usual days, Isagani and I love to hang in the garden or sit on the ground in the field. Masarap kasi ang simoy ng hangin doon, may lilom din na sisilungan, such a peaceful place to sit and talk about our day.
“Gani, I want to tell you something,” I said.
He closed the book and put it on the table as he met my stares. “Hmm? Say it, love...”
“I feel like... I’m slowly learning how to love my career path. ” I uttered with a smile. “It is not only because it is Mommy’s unfinished business, but also because it is the business I wanted to take now. Parang unti-unti na akong nasisigurado. I can see my future clearly and not vaguely.”
Ngumiti siya kasabay ng pamumungay ng mga mata. “I’m so proud, then,” he whispered as he caressed my hair. “I witness how you struggle trying to fit the shoe, Tal. I’m happy, you are slowly loving it.”
If I am not sure I belong to something, then I am for this. I love kids, I love helping. I think, this is the most suitable job for me as of now. If I ever discover something in the future, I will think of pursuing it too if I still can.
“Tiff!” I squeaked. I hugged and kissed her cheek. Nang humiwalay ay bumaling ang tingin ko sa kasama niya “Hi.” I greeted and he only nodded with a small smile.
It is still the same guy. Second chances are only worth it and applicable for those who have the ability to change and correct their wrongs. I guess, this guy deserved it. He really changed, they changed each other with the magic of love.
Love... I still cannot define it perfectly. Ang ideya ko lang sa pagmamahal ngayon ay ang pagiging kuntento sa kahit iisang taong mayroon ka sa mundo.
I have a lot of acquaintances, yes. But almost none of them I can consider as my best friend. Marami lang akong kilala pero hindi lahat ay kaibigan ko. And it’s sad how it turns out like that. Kaibigan ko lang sila sa kasiyahan.
“I missed you so much, alam mo ba?!”
“We are so busy with our own lives now, babe. Or should I say, own guy...” She even winked while saying that.
I cringed but also smiled. Sort of right. I am always with Isagani and she was always with her man.
“Tiff,” I called. “I love Gani so much...” I smiled with my eyes I could feel sparkling.
I never adore and love a guy like how much I love Isagani. In a short span, he occupied a large space. He owned a big part of me now. He got a place inside my pure heart.
“Now, I’m scared for our future ngayong puro saya lang ang nangyayari. I was thinking... what would happen next after all of the positive experiences?”
Tiffany held my shoulder. “It isn’t love without the challenges, Tal. Don’t be afraid of facing them. You are not alone because Isagani is always with you. You just have to trust your fate and hold his hands tighter.”
Isagani is always with me. I will keep that in mind. I knew, Isagani loves me so I should also be informed that he will always be with me in any fights. But... I have so many what ifs.
“What if... I can’t fight for it anymore? What if... si Isagani mismo ang maging dahilan?”
“Weigh things better. Hindi na tayo bata, Tal. Alam na natin ang makasasama sa makabubuti, ang dapat sa hindi, kung susuko o lalaban pa.”
I sighed. I don’t have enough knowledge and courage to make decisions on my own. Natatakot akong magkamali at pagsisihan ito sa huli. “Sana nga, alam ko ang gagawin sa gano’ng sitwasyon...”
We celebrated Christmas together in Tagaytay. Daddy allowed Isagani to take me there for two days and one night. I insist on using our resthouse since the transportation is already on him. Nasa bahay sina Papalo at Mamala kaya sigurado akong hindi malungkot ang pasko nila. On the other hand, mine is the best and still going.
We went to the Super Market early in the mroning of Christmas eve to buy food for our dinner and mini celebration. We decorated the house a little so it won’t look so dull for the occasion. Gani cooked while I baked, iyon ang ginawa namin hanggang sumapit ang gabi at hinihintay ang pasko.
“Gani...” I called. “Your mom...” I pointed to the star I saw that I think shines the brighter.
Isagani chuckled. ”It’s not, Tal.”
“Do you love her?” My mouth suddenly opened to ask that. Nagulat ako. “I’m sorry. It’s okay, you don’t have to answer.”
“I...” He paused to think. “I maybe do.”
“Siguro, noong batang-bata pa ako, mahal na mahal ko talaga siya... but growing up in a household where both parents don’t care about their child? I know, something changes from the love I’m giving and showing them.” He stated.
I knew it. May rason talaga ang lahat ng bagay na nararamdaman natin. Isagani acted that way in Tiffany’s story because of their family history. Mabuti na lang at hindi ko agad siya hinusgahan, wala naman akong alam sa naging kuwento.
“Hindi ko alam kung galit ba ang nasa puso ko. Hindi ko alam kung nagtanim na nga ba ako ng sama ng loob sa kanila habang lumalaki ako... pero masisisi mo ba ako? They made me feel... like that. Their actions dictate to me what to feel towards them.” He heaved a sigh.
In our hands intertwined, I rubbed my thumb on the back of his palm, trying to comfort him. Alam kong masakit sa kaniyang balikan ang mga masasamang alaala ng nakaraan. I hope I can ease all the pain.
“Ang tatay ko... no, wala na pala akong tatay.” Mapait siyang tumawa.
My heart ached. Isagani despises his parents very much and I am slowly understanding why.
“I don’t care about him always trying to hurt me physically. Wala na akong pakialam noon sa mga masasakit na sinasabi niya sa akin. Kung sa akin palagi ang bunton ng lahat.”
Isagani went through a lot with his parents. I do not know every single detail, but surely knew they ars not the best parents for him.
“But there’s this thing that made me quiver in wrath.” May diing usal niya.
Napatigil ako’t nag-angat ng tingin sa kaniya. I can feel his hand shaking a little as it tightens the hold on mine. I wanted to call him and make him stop but something is pulling me.
“He...” He breathed. “Para na niya akong pinatay.”
“Anong... nangyari?”
Calming himself, he did not bother to answer me. Mula sa mga matatalim na mga mata habang nagkukuwento kanina ay lumamlam ito. Nag-iwas siya ng tingin at pinatakan ng halik ang noo ko.
“Pahinga na tayo, Tal.”
Kahit puno ng pagtataka ay hindi na ako nagtanong pa. I respect his decision of not telling me all. After all, siya pa rin ang may hawak ng desisyong ‘yon.
•••
YOU ARE READING
Tila Tala
Ficção AdolescenteJust like a star, I stare you for long. While everything has change, I can not break away.
