Winwolfa (A Roan x Female OC Fanfic)

Chapter 36

Roan felt like he was fighting with Clarke for hours about what to do with Astrid. Time and time again, he advocated she wasn't strong enough, physically and mentally to go back to the capital. Just yesterday, they were running from Ontari's clutches and barely escaped by the graces of Lady Luck. Now, Clarke was persistent that they needed her. Whatever ridiculous plan she developed needed her.

Their stalemate was decided when Astrid finally chimed in and told them she would do it. Just one last time, she told herself, to end the violence. She knew the chances she would make it out alive were slim. But other lives were in the balance now, and she wouldn't stand by like a coward until this was over.

While everybody was preparing to leave, Astrid slouched against the archway to the courtyard of camp. Eyes empty, staring into nothing. Just a solitary mud pit. She heard the light footsteps growing closer but didn't bother turning her head to face them. Her body refused to. Her mind and body were no longer interlinked under her command. Whenever she moved, it was the act of her subconscious. Astrid stopped feeling her heels clink on the floorboards, or her muscles pumping with each movement. Her body had a mind of her own, while she was locked in whatever trace held her.

"That's where they killed Lincoln." The voice matched the footsteps, and Astrid could see Octavia slump on the opposite end of the arch in her peripheral vision. There was no sorrow radiating off her. Just lethal, unfiltered rage.

Astrid hummed in answer to let Octavia know she was there and listening, even if her attention was somewhere else.

"Pike killed him. Shot him in the head just for trying to help his people." Her rage was boiling now, but her face remained even keeled. Astrid finally pushed and pulled against the gears in her mind, giving her the ability to look at Octavia.

"I'm sorry." She whispered hoarsely. Octavia allowed a small smirk to spread on her face. She didn't know what happened in those few days with Ontari, but the mental scars seemed greater than the physical. How Astrid's eyes always seemed unfocused, her presence lingering somewhere in her body. Every so often, she'd watch from the distance as Astrid fingers caressed the tender skin around her neck. That single action that reminded her she was free, she was alive, and this was real.

Even if she'd have to enter the belly of the beast again.

"Astrid," Her name came out gently from Octavia, like a gentle touch against her brittle body, "You don't have to do this."

A small ember ignited in Astrid's eyes, flickering like a barely lit candle. For a moment, Astrid could feel her fingertips and knuckles following her command, clenching tightly. "It needs to be done. Once ALIE is gone and Ontari has the flame, it will be over."

Then she'd be running again. If what Clarke said was true, and Lexa truly lived in the Flame, then maybe Ontari could see the truth in what her plans were all along. The peace she wanted to fight for. It also meant she would know everything that Lexa knew about Astrid and Freya. Whether she would spare her or kill her would be a mystery until after ALIE was taken care of.

There was one thing that was known. If she was running, Roan would be by her side. He accepted that fate the moment he killed that guard. If they made it out alive, there was a bit of comfort knowing he'd be by her side.

Clarke's voice boomed through the garage, indicating it was time to go. Astrid's subconscious rose her to her feet with the small aid from Octavia's hand. Astrid noticed Octavia's eyes straining, looking for any sort of semblance that Astrid was still there.

"When all is said and done, you will get your vengeance" Octavia offered a comforting hand on her shoulder, then sauntered off to join the rest of the group. Astrid paused there for a moment. Those words struck her in the chest surprisingly. Because she slowly came to realize she didn't want vengeance.