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31. A BEAUTIFUL DECEIT & A WAR WITHIN!

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AISHA

I am too flustered & embarrassed at myself as I cooked for us all, but my mind was occupied by his thoughts only. What the hell does he think of himself? How can he do this to me? Firstly he came closer, then he touched me, fucking kissed me without my own consent, & then moved back when I wanted more of it like a fucking idiotic moron that he is!

I don't even get what am I more angry at, his touches, or his leaving & as my inner answer is moving towards the latter, my anger & frustration meter, both are rising! I really want to get rid of this man!

'REALLY?' asked my sardonic subconscious as I almost cried, my hairs again covering my face, my hands yet dough lad, as I again reminded of him, his touches &....

Fuck it! Aisha you can't give in to these small temptations! Remember the teachings of Buddha, Mahavir Swami, Sufi Saints, Vedas, where are all those???

I think I should become a celibate & run into Himalayas, yes!

'& then he'll come back & all your mysticism will be gone as you both lie naked over the cold ice, all sweaty &....' I groaned in frustration. This subconscious of mine is my enemy, yes I should kill her firstly, & then that Vivaan moronic Khurana, with this knife of mine, yes!

'You can't cause I'm you yourself, & you can never even hurt him, cause accept it or not, you yet love him, his touches, his presence, & hi....' I cut her off, as I started focussing on cooking, plugging in my earphones, as my stupid playlist started playing some fucking romantic songs! Love & romance are nothing, just another way to fool people, why don't people get it before they are devastated, like I'm?

Can a day be more worst? Just when I thought I'm moving in my life, & treated myself with my favorite food, which I actually felt like eating & not forcing in my belly, being super-hungry after a month, the same day I had to REVISE the chapter of my life I so want to delete permanently & so urgently!

Whatever he said could be a truth or a lie, but the case is I can't trust him! Yes, my feelings for him haven't changed even a bit, in fact I think they have strengthened more, as hurting him hurts me more, & I have no control over my emotions or my stupid heart, but I have control over myself, & I know it well, I can never trust him, never-ever!

I sighed determining to not show anymore of my vulnerabilities to any of them. They are predators, ever ready to pounce upon their preys & I know I'm their favorite prey to play with, yes they are here to play with me, & I must stop offering my weak nerves to them!

With this determination I arranged supper on the dining, which is a five-seater, well perfect for us all, as we are five, & I called them.

I served Mojo, though I'm super angry at him, so I served him his least-liked biscuits as he made faces trying to convince me, but had no ways, but to eat as he was super hungry after licking & sucking my Vivaan! Huh, idiot, it's just my right to suck, touch & seduce him!

Again there? Argghhh! I'll kill myself today! When did I started getting this much of horny?

'Sine the storm named Vivaan Singh Khurana re-entered your life all royally!' spoke my oh-so true subconscious & I agreed.