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32. GUILT!

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AISHA

I tossed & tossed upon my bed, unable to sleep which irritated me, & now I know what I have to do!

After coming from Mumbai, I've had several sleepless nights like this, & so I got up from my bed & headed to the kitchen to do what I do on nights like this, well, prepare a cup of hot-chocolate on this cold night, & sit on the roof, talking to Mamma, gazing at the calm night sky!

Of course with lights on as I yet fear dark a lot, though not like before, all thanks to my psychologist!

I wrapped myself in Mamma's shawl, which made me feel her warmth. Here I got many of her things, which make me smile & tear at the same time....

People forget even their living relatives, like those in our N.G.O., & here I'm mourning for the same person since the past six years! Well not my fault she was the only one to love me truly, & never judged, nor played with my feelings, unlike all the people out there...

They think I never knew they were playing with me, but that's what the issue was, I fell even after knowing all their games, & the major reasons were I loved them as my people, & secondly, I can never say NO to my people!

& now left is just me, with NO people, haha! I shook my head & sipped onto my hot chocolate, contemplating. The chilly night airs of Shimla soothing me, as I pulled my legs up on the cosy swing chair, wrapping me all in Mamma's shawl, as I paused all my thoughts for once, trying to live in the moment, with my Mamma, & this beautiful night, which never lets me feel alone, unlike the crowds who push me back.

My oh-so poetic thoughts were disturbed by the soft voice of the person I was avoiding to even look upon, for he affects me more than that Vivaan fucking Khurana, & I know he & his all words, affections, every single thing was fake too, just like that of Vivaan Khurana's, but I know well this person yet holds the same power over me! So I decided to avoid him, but what now??

The best thing being lonely for this whole month did was to make me sort out my own thoughts & feelings & know myself better, like making me connect with me again, & that's how I know I need to stay away from this person, who now is standing in front of me.

"R-Rose?" asked he, as I gulped & looked at him, finding it hard to keep my stare blank & not give out my vulnerabilities.

"What are you doing here, on such a cold night?" asked he rubbing his palms, with concern in his voice, which I REMINDED MYSELF IS FAKE, as he sat on the chair nearby, & I followed his every move, which declared he won't go from here this early, making me want to cry again.

"You want something?" asked I directly straightening myself formally.

"Yes!" spoke he, as I saw something like hurt in his eyes, which I again want to remind myself is FAKE!

"I want my sister, my Rose back!" spoke he with determination & I couldn't help but chuckle darkly, dark just like this night.

"The Rose you trampled under your own feet Mr. Avinash Khurana?" spoke I cocking my one brow at him with a smirk, but I know I scream pain & I hate myself for being this vulnerable & pathetic.