WITH YOU...FOREVER!

19. THE SHADOWS OF PAST...

AISHA

Here I'm getting ready to meet my psychologist today. I'm already late, all thanks to my nightmares, & then I woke up really late, & now I've no one to scold or to wake me up, if I'm sleeping even for the whole day, or a week... Hell, there isn't anyone to even cry if I jumped into the sea that day... Maybe I might have served a better meal to the whales then?

I literally couldn't see that sea, & when I even looked at those vicious waves, all I felt was numb! I've nothing to feel anymore, my fear, my tears, all died in that dungeon, all that's left is numbness...

I sighed.

"No Aisha, we ain't going back to that day again!" I spoke to myself, well that's my habit since forever, to speak to myself, but I speak more with myself these days, so much so that sometimes I wonder if I'm a mental patient?

"No, we are not!" answered I to myself again, as I shook my head, my wet hairs dripping upon the hotel mat, as I took my bathrobe off, & wore a nice white & blue knee-length dress.

It has a square neckline of blue, & then given a round look by white cloth, which continues till my waist, where it again has a blue belt, with a beautiful blue & white flower at the side, & lower to it, it's flary, with white chiffon cloth, which has horizontal blue zig-zag patterns all over it till my knees. It has ruffled sleeves of two layers ending just a few inched below my shoulders, again blue & second one ruffle of that zig-zag pattern cloth, giving it a perfect look.

I pared it with my silver earrings, along with a white hairband, with beautiful white flowers at side, with buds adorning it, & wore my simple white sandals, before booking a cab.

I ordered a little breakfast, with no mood to eat, as I applied lip-gloss on my pink lips, which look dried currently, along with some kohl, & other little makeup, to hide my eyebags, & more importantly his marks all over my body, which have are faded now...

I wonder will the marks he gave on my soul ever fade away? My eyes teared thinking of that day, as I clutched Mom's pendent, only to remind of his pendent that I wore here, & finally a tear managed to escape my controlling, bloodshot eyes, as I sighed.

"No Aisha, no shedding tears, you're strong!" I spoke, as I heard a knock, & eating a sandwich, I drank the juice, having no mood to eat anything, & marched out of the hotel towards the exit, where my cab-driver waited for me.

I sat in, looking at this busy city again, my once home, DELHI! Delhi never accepted me, & I sighed thinking my last night here...

All my so called ex-friends & ex-family members tried to contact me, along with Vidhi, sorry, sorry, Vidisha Khurana, so I just changed my number.

I know they want nothing from me, it's just their guilt that's making them come to me, but no more! I'm done with these fake & toxic relations, which are just one-sided. I build & cherished them, in fact I feel clingy to even stick by them for the past 2 years... It's like I was sticking to them, when they never wanted me! Yes, I was too much engrossed to even observe their disinterest in me... Whatever! I don't want or need anyone, & I don't want to think about it now...

To say the reality, even if they were in my life, I was alone at the end of the way... There was nobody to ask for me, to look after me, or to share my pains & tears! In fact I never cried in front of anyone of them, I never trusted them enough with my tera, & they never wanted to know if something was wrong with me, or was I even fine!

So, of course I just stick to them, but no more! I think they deserve someone they like, I was always an outsider, to the Bakshis & also to those ex-friends of mine... & also to the Khuranas...