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59. CONFUSED THOUGHTS!

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AISHA

When our shopping was done, it was already 11 pm, so I had a light supper with all others & came to my room, I changed after taking a quick shower & here I'm, in my bed, all wide awake unable to sleep thinking about today's incidents...

I fucking melted again, in the college, then during shopping, but is it in my hands to not melt when it's him, the only man who could stir my heart, making me go all crazy at his mere thought in all these years...

I could never even have a crush all these years after I thought Mamma died cause of her love &, specially the torture Uncle Mathur made me go through, but everything changed with his coming to my life, it was like I breathed again, I bloomed again under the shadow of his arms.... only to be strangled & trample by he himself, & now when he is around, I can't help but go back to the same path, & his confessions from the morning are not leaving my brain! Was he really serious? Can it all be truth? Was his love real?

& I was reminded of all our moments, & it never seemed fake to me, it was more than real, it was a fairytale coming alive, but then I was reminded of that fateful day, the look into his menacing eyes, they could never be the eyes I loved & admired so dearly, were they the same hands which ever comforted me in my panic-attacks to strangle, slap & almost rape me that day...

Yes, he almost raped me that day & had I not lost my consciousness, he would have definitely raped me... What makes him different from Uncle, Sam, those Scorpios & that Raj then? Does my loving him change the fact that he never loved me, for if he ever loved me even a little, then he would never harm me that way, the way I fear the most, the way I loathe the most... I thought him my angel, but he turned out to be yet another monster, who broke me the worst way, piece-by-piece, enjoying it all...

& I burst out into tears again. Yes, I needn't hide my tears, not when I'm alone! Even my psychologist asked me to cry if I want to, for it can make me lighter & help me move on, & indeed it does help me in lighting up my burdened soul, but moving on I've no idea about...

But my cries only increased with time as I clutched my pillow tightly while crying, were all the nights he held me closer comforting me fake, was all the love he used to shower upon me fake???

With all these questions I slept, God knows when, when I got up a call, at first I couldn't open my swollen & red eyes, my cheeks & lashes were wet indicating I was crying in my sleep as well, well nothing new to me, thought I as my phone rung again!

I looked at it in the dimly lit lamp's light only to find it of Vidhi, I mean Vidisha.

"Why would she call me at this time? Is she alright? Is she in some danger? Well I should pick up firstly!" spoke I to myself as nodding to myself, I picked it up only to hear several cries of hers, making my heart clench as I got up on my bed struggling in between my stuffed toys & a lot of pillows & the comforter, feeling myself stuck in between them all.

"Vidhi, I mean Vidisha, what happened?" asked I as her cries only rose.

"Hey hey please don't cry & tell me what's wrong!" spoke I as softly as I could.

"C-can y-ou p-pick m-me u-up?" asked she in between her painful sobs as I looked at the time, it is 1 am already!

"Yes yes! Where are you?" asked I.