WITH YOU...FOREVER!

22. ANGER!

AISHA

I hurried up, as I drank some milk with nuts & rushed to take my purse & grab my phone, as I gave myself a last look in the mirror. I wore a blue torn jeans, along with a white, one side off-shoulder t-shirt, with loose sleeves till my elbows, as my black bra's strip was peeping through it on my shoulder, which I like I don't know why, & leaving my wavy, russet hairs open, applied some lip-gloss with light pink lipstick, wearing my simple white sandals & then my eyes fell on my dull eyes, as I sighed & applied kohl, a lil eye-liner, hiding my eyebags with a little makeup.

I locked my beautiful home as my thoughts again went to last night. It's been almost two weeks to that incident, & a week since I consulted my psychologist. Firstly I thought of going to a psychiatrist, but then I preferred a psychologist, for I don't have something like a disorder, & also I didn't wanted a Doctor, but a councilor, who can listen & guide me, not things like medicines & all. Hell, meds are hectic!

Last time when I had it, it was Vivaan who took care of it all. I made him run around the entire hospital or penthouse before I had my medicines! A smiled formed on my face thinking of those days, & later when I realized that day, my eyes teared, again. But I took in a deep breathe to calm myself down & walked.

Last night, I again had nightmares, like every night, but now I'm getting habitual to it. I can't expect myself to forget all these just in a few nights, I know even a lifetime will be less to heal me, but I'm thankful that at least that figure has disappeared from my sight, & also I didn't get any panic attacks this week, to my relief!

Yes, I'm learning to live this way. I can't forget or deny all those memories, so I've accepted them as a part of me & my life, & I'm proud of myself, for all I ever did. I never regret loving all of them, though it was their choice to trust & love me back or not, & they chose otherwise... Well, fine with me in every way, just that they shouldn't have given me fake hopes at least, whatever! I'm nobody to question them & their decisions, their lives, their rules, right?

But one thing is for sure, I'll never be able to forgive anyone of them! Yes, I have wanted, but I can't get those words of theirs, those disgusting looks they threw at me, those slaps, my Mamma's insults, no I can neither forgive, nor forget.

'Like they'll come begging for your forgivingness!' mocked my subconscious.

Of course not! In fact I myself never want to face them, but then also my heart will never forgive them. I sighed as I found Maya looking at me in anger, as I chuckled raising my hands in air in defeat.

"You are again late!" screamed she showing her fake anger, as her Mom, Mrs. Verma came out with a smile.

Mrs. Verma was my Mom's best-friend, & more of a sister to her, than Mrs. Bakshi ever was, & also ever supportive as compared to Mamma's useless family, as I too smiled at her, well a polite smile, which could never reach my heart, or eyes.

"Shut up Maya! Aisha dear, you are on time, now you both go, & come back home on time!" spoke she as we both girls have decided to go & visit SHIMLA's famous SUMMER FESTIVAL today.

This is the most celebrated event of the year here, which started in 1960. It is celebrated for ten days, with several competitions, music & dance shows, in which artists across the nation participate, & most famous of the artist also come here. Tourists from India, & other nations along with locals celebrate it with full jest & zeal!

It's celebrated to commemorate the approaching SUMMERS, after the frozen winters, as the scenery nearby is worth looking. It marks a new beginning after the dead winters, just like my life... The only difference is I rose from the dream of these beautiful summers, to find chilly winters in my real life & world. Well, that's my reality & reality is always bitter.