WITH YOU...FOREVER!

72. SHOOTS & SCREAMS!

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I APOLOGIZE FOR BEING A DAY LATE, BUT I'VE GOT A LOT IN MY PLATE, INCLUDING MY STUDIES, WORKOUT, & THE LIST GOES ON & I'M STRUGGLING IN MANAGING EVERYTHING...

HOPE YOU PEOPLE UNDERSTAND! :-)

AISHA

My eyes moistened as soon as I saw him defending me in front of so many people... It felt like he's worth a second chance!

Yes, I gave him, I gave us a second chance, but the traces of that damned day aren't leaving my brain & they keep on coming in my brain stopping me from stepping up to him like before.

I was myself surprised at how I was not afraid to see Vivaan holding that Akbar's throat, literally showing him the gates of hell! I somewhere knew Vivaan won't kill him, & I myself don't know how?

Previously till I didn't accept my love for him, he just messed with my heart, but now he is messing with my brain as well! I don't know what to do with this guy!

Sometimes he behaves like a possessed soul, like he did in case of Akbar, sometimes like a protection wall, like he did in front of them all, sometimes like a Beast like he did with me that day in that dungeon, other times like a kid, like he did this morning, asking me to get him ready, I mean who does it, but not to forget the way he teases me, daring me to resist him if I can, & he always wins the game!

I can resist all the charms of the world, am too mature to fall for fake charms out there, but how can I resist when the temptation is his love, his warmth, his caressing touches, which makes me feel like a loved & deserving human, making me feel like a woman!

I always thought myself less of a woman cause of Uncle's impious touches, & more from his humiliating words...

'WHORE', this word yet resonates in my being, making me feel all dirty, taking away my peace, my night's sleep, this word is where my nightmares started from...

& after whatever the Scorpios & Sam did with me, I felt like a blemish on the women of all world, I could get up from all these again, only cause of Vivaan's support or I'd have shattered apart...

He was there for me when I had panic-attacks almost every day & night, he comforted me during my nightmares, he was there when I was nothing but a disappointment, when I had nothing to offer except of fears, tears & insecurities...

Now I know why I never trusted him when he said he never loved me that night cause of his own fucked-up reasons...

Well, how am I to believe his words of a day, when his actions & the same words spoke contrary for the whole three months we spent together? How can I stop loving a man like him, who gave me his all?

Yes he did mistakes, & I can't ever forgive him for that, but how am I supposed to stop loving a man like him?

When everyone abandoned me, he was there; when the world chose to see my fake faded smile over my apparent glimmering teary eyes & believe my 'I'm ok', he chose to not ask me any question & hug me, holding me closer to his warmth, no questions, no answers, nothing, just his hugs...

Call me idiot, self-respectless girl, a blemish on modern-progressive women who change man like babies change their diapers, but this is me & this is his love, which makes me stay every single time, pulling me to him, which makes me mark myself his, forever!