PULSE [H.S]

004

"Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time." — Thomas Edison

Get out of the car, Kizalyn.

Just get out of the fucking car.

I once again find myself in the parking lot of Knockout Arena. This time I came alone, and I'm finding it really hard to get myself to get out of the car. I glance at the entrance to the building, trying to tell myself that there is nothing to be scared of. It's a lot harder to do this without Pen by my side.

Why is it so hard for me to do anything without feeling so anxious that I feel like I'm going to throw up? I can barely go food shopping without having a fucking nervous breakdown in the middle of the canned food aisle.

Just get out of the car.

Feeling dizzy, I open the car door and make my way to the entrance of the gym. Every step I take towards the gym makes my heart rate rise at least ten beats per minute. My hands start to feel clammy, and my chest tightens up.

Nope.

No fucking way.

I'm turning around.

As I make the decision to turn around, someone comes out of the gym. It's a guy who looks like he is still sweaty from his workout, his shirt darkened by wetness. His eyes lock with mine, and he gives me a warm smile as he holds the door open for me.

I hate my fucking life.

I can't turn around now, that's so embarrassing. I smile at the man who unknowingly trapped me into going inside this place and thank him. My stomach is a knot of nerves as I walk through the door.

The familiar scent of bleach and cleaning supplies fills my nostrils, reminding me of the sterile smell of my tattoo shop. My eyes scan the room, finding fewer people in the gym than when I came for the lesson with Pen. It's quieter, and there's no match happening in the center ring.

I'm relieved and disappointed to find Clove behind the front desk again. Her smile is warm and welcoming, and her eyes light up when she sees me, which comforts me. But if I wasn't already trapped into doing this by the guy holding the door for me, I am definitely trapped here now that she's seen me.

"Kizalyn, right?" Clove says, "It's great to see you back."

I scratch at my skin, the nerves cutting off all of my thoughts. Every inch of me wants to turn on my heels and run out of this place. I swore I would never step foot in this gym again, but I woke up this morning with a new sense of determination. My feet stay planted on the ground.

I say, "Hi, yeah. Um, I have my gym card from last week, but I was wondering how to sign up for a membership?"

"You know, I was hoping you'd come back and talk dirty to me like that," Clove says with a big smile as she types something into her computer. "I'm thrilled to see you, really."

I'm taken back by how friendly she is, once again. I know it's her job to be nice to members and get people to sign up for the gym, but she radiates positive energy. Her kindness during the first lesson definitely played a part in my decision to drive here today.

"Do you want a standard membership or a package?"

"Uh," I mumble, "what's the difference?"

"Standard gives you full access to the gym and rings, or you could get a package that comes with boxing lessons. You can add as many as you want per month. 1,2,5,10. We have a deal going on for a membership with four lessons for $25 a month."