PULSE [H.S]

112

"Forgive your mom, forgive yourself, and find peace. Because losing a mother means so many things you could never explain." — Morgan Harper Nichols

I hate this place.

I hate Elias's office. I hate everything about it, from the look to the smell to the people inside. This time Aaron isn't here. It's only me and Elias. It's time for me to start the first phase of the plan.

I'm nauseous.

Elias asks, "How's the tattoo business going?"

"Pretty good, I guess," I shrug. I'm not in the mood for small talk, but he always likes to waste my time. I say, "How are you liking your tattoo?"

He pulls up his sleeve, showing me the bat wings on his arm. It feels like I tattooed that on him years ago. It was so long ago, at such a different time. It was when my world first started to turn, right when it was about to be flipped upside down.

"It healed nicely. You're good at your job, Miss Reeves," he says as he lets his sleeve fall back down. He looks back at me and says, "I remember that day like it was yesterday. The girl who gave me this tattoo was so different. The girl sitting across from me now doesn't resemble her at all."

I don't disagree with him. I've changed so much in the last year. The girl I was a year ago died a while ago. She was killed by violence and lies. Sometimes I miss the person I used to be. My life was so simple. Sure, I had an abusive boyfriend and no friends, but it was simple.

Now everything is complicated. It's messy, twisted, and absolutely terrifying. But I am so much better for it. I was weak back then, a fragile little girl. A shell of a person who didn't know her worth. I'm strong now, and I know who I am. I know what I believe in.

I say, "You were different that day, too."

"Indeed. We all have different sides to us," he replies.

I ask, "Was that person real?"

"It's hard, isn't it?" he says, tilting his head. He says, "Trying to figure out who someone is. Even when we think we know someone to their very core, we don't actually know anything about them. We only know what they want us to see."

I say, "It's hard when everyone always lies to me."

He deceived me when I first met him, pretending to be a charming person that he was not. Aaron deceived me every single day, telling me lies about who he was. Our whole relationship was a lie. My friends deceived me, too. Harry, Niall, Zayn, Clove, and Louis. They all hid the truth of who they were from me. It's hard to trust anyone.

I need Elias to trust me.

He says, "Have you thought more about my offer? I assume it's why you asked to meet with me."

"Maybe I wanted the pleasure of your company," I joke, unable to help myself. He smirks, and I yell at myself in my head for saying that. I sigh, "I want to live a normal life. It's all I've ever wanted."

He nods, observing me. He says, "You've been through a lot in your life. More than most. I understand that you would want some peace."

I say, "All I have ever dreamed about is being free. Free from my mom's addiction, foster care, Aaron's abuse, this cartel, my own addiction, and life. Sometimes I think there's only one way to be free from all of it."

He says, "Normally I would agree with you, but I am offering you a way out, Kizalyn. Are you going to take it?"

I stare at him, trying to get a read on him. Is he going to believe me? Is he buying into this? Or is he going to see right through my bullshit and kill us all?