PULSE [H.S]

121

"It's hard to tell who has your back, from who has it long enough just to stab you in it." — Nicole Richie

The sound of the flatline rings in my ears.

The continuous, high-pitched sound pierces my body, splitting my heart in half and my soul into fractions.

Even when Elias hangs up the phone, I can hear it. The sound of it echoes in my head even when I know it's gone. It rattles around my brain, representing an unbearable truth.

Rae is dead.

I killed her.

The scream that leaves me is the loudest sound that has ever escaped my body, and it's followed by the sound of my sobs. I cry into my hands, the tears soaking them within seconds.

A piece of my soul died with Rae. It's a void that will never be filled. It's an ache that settles deep in my chest, a constant pressure that never subsides.

My heart lurches, as if trying to escape the impending pain. There is a physical ache in my heart, a heaviness that makes it really hard to breathe. It's like a vacuum has formed inside of me, sucking all the air and warmth from my body and turning me into a cold shell.

In this moment, the world doesn't exist, and I'm left alone with the raw, unrelenting pain of her loss. It's a moment that will be etched into my memory forever, a moment that changed everything, and a moment I'd give anything to erase.

In one moment, everything can change.

At least the pain won't last long.

I'll be dead soon.

Eventually my sobs stop, and I sit on the floor in complete numbness. A switch flips inside of me, and I can't feel anything. It's like someone gave me a sedative for my mind, like I turned off the part of me that feels. I feel empty, lost, incomplete, and helpless. The tears keep falling down my face, but I've lost the energy to wipe them away.

I'm broken.

When I manage to look at Harry, he's crying too. Tears leak out of his eyes, wetting his cheeks. His green eyes look dull, like life is already draining out of them. The guilt is written all over his face, and I already know he is blaming himself for all of this.

"Such a shame," Elias says, but I refuse to look at him. His voice wakes me back up, filling me with rage. He says, "But she probably was never going to wake up anyway, right? We ripped the Band-Aid off for you."

She was still alive, still breathing. She still had a heartbeat. She still had a pulse, and now it's gone. She had a chance, but I took that away from her.

Elias took that away from her. From me.

My voice is so deadly that I barely even recognize it as my own as I say to Elias, "I hate you."

He has taken everything from me. He's been taking from me, piece by piece, chipping away at who I am. Today, he took everything that remained, leaving me drained.

I officially have no family.

Rae is gone, and my parents are gone.

My friends betrayed me.

All I have is Harry, but now he is going to be taken away from me too. Or I am going to be taken away from him. My heart clenches in my chest again, reminding me that the pain of today isn't over yet.

Elias says, "I have a speech to give, but when I come back, I expect a decision. One of you walks out of here. The other does not. If there's no agreement, neither of you will live to see another day."