PULSE [H.S]

059

"We must unlearn the constellations to see the stars." — Jack Gilbert

I never knew what a runners high felt like.

Now that I do, I've become addicted to running. For months I've been running the track outside the gym every morning, always pushing myself to go further. I run until my lungs are on fire and my legs are shaking.

I run into Zayn as I walk over to the start of the path, and see that he was about to start running too, so we start running together. I'm able to keep up with him more than I used to be able to.

I say, "We haven't talked in a while."

I feel like we were closer when I first started hanging out with all of them, but he's been more distant around me recently. We don't run together anymore, which I used to look forward to. I don't even know when we stopped.

Zayn says, "Yeah, it's been a bit, hasn't it?"

I glance at him, asking, "Did I do something? I feel like you try to avoid me sometimes."

He shakes his head, "You didn't do anything, Kiz."

I challenge him, "So you changing your running time every morning is just a coincidence?"

The only reason I bumped into him today if because I got here earlier than usual since I need to stop at the bank before going to work. He randomly started coming to the gym earlier, leaving me running alone.

"No," he says, but I'm not convinced. Things have felt off with him for a while now. He sighs, "It's not my place to say."

"What do you mean?" I press him, growing concerned.

He looks over at me, his hazel eyes locking with mine as his face fills with worry. He says, "Harry told me to back off."

"What?" I say, shocked. "He told you to stay away from me? When?"

Zayn says, "It was a while ago, after the first dinner event you went to, but yeah. I've been trying to keep my distance out of respect for him."

I remember that night, how Harry snapped at Zayn for no reason, and then he angrily told me that Zayn wanted to sleep with me. He was being an idiot.

I frown "Why doesn't he want us to be friends?"

"Kiz," Zayn says, "I didn't want to be your friend." I look at him, confused. He says, "I was into you, from that first day I met you in the boxing ring. Harry knew how I was feeling, and he warned me off."

"You were into me?" I ask, trying to process all of this. He nods. I say, "Harry had no right to do that."

I never realized Zayn felt that way about me. He never said anything or did anything to imply that he was interested in me like that.

Zayn shrugs, "Maybe at the time he didn't. And I had every intention to ignore his warning, but then I saw the way you looked at him when you thought no one was watching, and I knew even if I made a pass at you, I would never stand a chance."

"He took away that chance," I say sadly.

He laughs, "Would I have ever actually stood a chance?"

I think about it, and about how I felt back then. I always thought Zayn was beautiful, and he's so sweet. I could picture him being the most amazing partner, but I can't picture that person ever being me, even back then. Not when Harry exists.

"I don't know," I admit.

He says, "It's okay. I was just worried he was going to hurt you. I didn't really think you two were that serious until Greece. The look on your face when Niall tried to tear you away from him, the way you fought for him. I could tell you loved him even before you shouted it for the world to hear."