PULSE [H.S]

082

"Feeling too much is a hell of a lot better than feeling nothing." — Nora Roberts

My favorite thing about living with Niall is that he eats junk food with me.

Today he made waffles, and he got an assortment of different toppings for us to put on them. He got sprinkles, chocolate syrup, fruit, whipped cream, candy—everything you could imagine.

We had so much fun loading our waffles up with sugary toppings. Both of us went a little overboard, and we now have tummy aches as we sit on the balcony together.

He says, "If you ever want to talk about anything, Kiz, I'm always here for you. I want you to know that you can always come to me with anything."

I've put him through so much recently, and yet he still cares about me. He's still here with me, making sure that I'm okay. He stayed for me.

I say, "Thank you, Niall. I really appreciate you."

"I can help you look for apartments if you think getting out of here would help you," he offers.

It makes my heart clench in my chest. This is the first place that's felt like home to me, but it only felt like home when Harry was here. Now it's just a constant reminder that he's gone.

I say, "Yeah, I think it would be good to find my own place again. I'm just nervous about living alone."

"I could move somewhere with you, if you would want that," he suggests. I look at him, surprised to find that he's serious. He says, "You're like a sister to me, Kiz."

I smile at him. "Would you really do that?"

"Course I would."

I stare into his blue eyes, admiring the kindness that shines through him. He is such a breath of fresh air amidst all of this chaos.

I say, "You've already dropped everything to help me once, I couldn't ask you to do it again."

"I'd do it all again a thousand times over if I had to," he says as he runs a hand through his blonde hair. He says, "I know all of this has been shitty for you, and I wish none of it ever happened. But the one good thing that came from it is that I feel like we've gotten a lot closer, and that means the world to me."

Shit, man.

I never thought Niall's sweet words would make me emotional. I agree with him. We have bonded a lot over the past few weeks. He helped me through the darkest period of my life, and he never once left me. I will never forget that.

I say, "I'm really thankful for you, Niall. You have no idea."

My mind convinced me that I was alone. I felt alone when I was going through withdrawal after Harry left me. But Niall was always here. He never let me be truly alone.

He reaches over and squeezes my hand, smiling at me.

Since everything happened, Niall has been with me, but I haven't been looped in on anything. I haven't been told what's going on with Lucas, Elias, or anything involving the cartel. I've been totally cut out.

I know they think I can't handle it right now, and that I need time to heal. They're not wrong. I wouldn't have been able to handle any more bad news recently. But I got over the hill, and I want to be brought back into the loop.

I heard Niall on the phone earlier. He told me he has to run out to do something at the gym, but I know he was lying to me. I say to him, "I know you're all meeting today. I want to go."

"I don't know if that's a good idea," he says hesitantly.

I argue, "Just because I'm not with Harry anymore doesn't mean that I'm not just as involved in this as everyone else is. I deserve to be included."