PULSE [H.S]

113

"The truth is like a lion. You don't have to defend it. Let it loose. It will defend itself." — Saint Augustine

I've missed Niall.

Even though it was a terrible period in my life, I loved living with him. It was nice having him around all the time, and I miss him always being here. I love Harry, and I love living here with Harry, but I will always have a soft spot for Niall and the time we spent together here. He helped me so much, and I'll never forget it.

He came over earlier, since Harry was going out for a bit and I had nothing to do. He texted me that he's having trouble figuring out what to do about Pen and their relationship, so I told him to come over and we could talk about it. It's easier to work something out when you're with a friend.

We lay on the couch, cuddling together on it. I lay next to Niall, our heads both on the pillow of the couch. His arm is around me, and the length of our bodies are touching, but it's like we are siblings or best friends—nothing more than that.

"I really like her," Niall says, "and that doesn't happen for me very often. I don't usually get this invested in a relationship."

I ask, "Have you told Pen that?"

He says, "No. I can tell she wants me to. I think she wants me to make things official, and I do too, but I can't. Things with me and her got way more serious than I anticipated. I don't want to tell her how I feel and then possibly leave her in a few weeks."

I like Niall and Pen together. They're both wild, crazy, and fun, and they are like that when they're together, too, but they bring out a deeper side in each other. They both unlocked a part of themselves that they didn't know was there until they met each other. I've witnessed the change in both of them. It's like they suddenly realize what it's like to have a person instead of just having fun.

I say, "It's not easy being in a relationship when you can't tell her the truth about the majority of your life."

"I know," Niall says. "I want to tell her so badly."

"Do you think you ever could?" I ask him.

He says, "Do you think I could?"

It's something I've thought about a lot, especially with Pen getting closer and closer to everyone. She's around us a lot, but she has no idea who we are or what we are all involved in. I want to tell her too, but it's risky, and it's not an easy decision.

"I don't know," I say honestly. "When I first found out about all of you, I was really freaked out. It was like I didn't know any of you at all after finding out. It took me a bit, but I eventually realized that this doesn't define you. You were still the people I knew you to be."

Niall says, "You didn't really have a choice but to accept us and the whole thing. Pen would have a choice, and if she doesn't accept it, she could go to the authorities or get herself killed."

I say, "Pen has never been a judgmental person. She's one of the most understanding people I know. There's a chance she would be okay with it."

Pen has never judged me. Even when she knew I was in an abusive relationship and actively letting myself stay in it, she never made me feel shitty about it. She was only ever supportive, trying to help me in a way that lifted me up instead of dragging me down. 

Niall says, "She's amazing. It would be so much to throw at her. It would be overwhelming, especially after all of this time of her thinking we were all normal people with normal jobs."

I sigh. "You either have to tell her the truth or let her go, Ni. Even if we were staying here, that relationship doesn't have a future unless you tell her. We can't lie to her forever."