PULSE [H.S]

083

"The enemy of my enemy is my friend." — Ancient Proverb

They were Harry's friends first.

That's what I have to keep reminding myself when I see Niall sneak out after he thinks I've gone to bed. It's what I have to remember when Clove makes up a lame excuse for why she can't do anything.

They were his friends first.

They've known him way longer than they've known me.

I can't expect them to take my side because they all love him and they're good friends. I don't want them to have to pick a side at all. I wish it wasn't like this.

Since I am a functioning person now, I've started to do things again. The problem is that my only friends are Pen and the group. Pen even lied to me once because she was going out with Niall, and Harry was going to be there. They both told me they were going to be with each other that night, but they told me they were doing completely different things.

I don't mind that everyone is friends with Harry. I can't blame them for hanging out with him. The last thing I would ever want is for me to drive a wedge between any of them. It's just hard when I'm not invited to things anymore because of him.

What I hate the most is that they all feel like they have to lie to me about it so they don't hurt my feelings. They're trying to protect me with white lies, but I can see right through it. Their intentions are good, but it still hurts.

I miss my friends.

But they were his friends first.

"Hey," Niall says as he finds me on the couch. He says to me, "I'm going to go grab dinner with Pen. I'll be gone for a few hours, will you be alright?"

It's funny, because I know Pen is working right now, and she has clients booked for a few more hours yet.

I say, "You don't have to lie to me, Niall."

"Uh—what?" he says, scratching his head.

"Did you forget that I'm the one who makes her work schedule?" I say, and his cheeks tint. He opens his mouth to say something, but I stop him. I say, "I don't care if you are going to hang out with him. You don't have to keep making up new lies every time you're seeing him."

"Shit, I'm sorry," Niall says as he takes a seat by me. He looks at me and says, "If I'm being honest, I don't know how to act around either of you when it involves the other. None of us do."

I nod. "I know, I'm sorry. I never wanted any of you to be put in the middle of this. I just don't want to be lied to anymore."

"Okay, no more lies," he says with a small smile.

I say, "Thanks. Have fun, whatever you're doing."

When he leaves, I feel the emptiness inside my chest. It creeps up on me when I'm alone, especially when I know they are all together. I would be there right now, having fun with them, if everything didn't go to shit.

It was hard enough to lose Harry.

I feel like I've lost them too.

-

I have an idea.

One that might save us all or get me killed on the spot. I think I might actually have a death wish. Maybe subconsciously, I just want someone else to put me out of my misery.

As I approach the front gate, I push all of the doubt and fear out of my mind. This is worth a shot, and if it doesn't work, then at least I tried. Someone needed to try.