PULSE [H.S]

086

"Healing may not be so much about getting better, as about letting go of everything that isn't you—all of the expectations, all of the beliefs—and becoming who you are." —Rachel Naomi Remen

Niall has been my rock.

He's been my source of support throughout everything these last few months. He watched me go through withdrawal and heartbreak simultaneously, and he watched as it absolutely broke me. But then he helped get me back on my feet. Slowly, he helped me start to heal.

I think Niall and I had a good friendship going before all of this happened, but what he did for me the last month and a half changed everything. He's one of the few people in this world that I would trust with anything and everything.

I'd do anything for that Irish idiot.

I watch as Niall brings the last of his things downstairs. He's moving out of the apartment today, and Harry is moving back in. I help him grab a few bags, and I follow him out to the parking lot where his car is parked.

We stuff his belongings in the trunk, and he closes it, also closing a chapter in both of our lives. I'm sure this isn't how he imagined spending all of these last weeks. I definitely didn't see any of it coming.

I love him.

The emotions hit me before I could get a hold of them. I feel the tears pricking at my eyes and the ache in my heart. It feels like I'm losing him, but I'm not losing him. He's just moving out.

My eyes water as I say, "I don't want you to go."

Niall smiles at me. He says, "Aw, Kiz. I'm going to miss you."

"You did so much for me, Niall. I can't even tell you how much it all meant to me. I don't think I would have made it through any of this without you," I say as I wipe a tear from my cheek. I say, "Thank you, so much."

He pulls me in for a hug, squeezing his arms around me. These are the arms that I've found comfort in countless times through all of this. I don't want him to leave.

He says, "Anything for you, Kiz. I mean that. If you need anything at all, call me."

"Okay," I nod, unable to form words.

He says in a half-joking manner, "If things get to be too much here, I'd still be down to apartment hunt together."

I laugh. "I appreciate you so much, Niall."

This hurts a lot more than I thought it would, but it's a bittersweet feeling. His departure means that I've finally reached a point where I can start to move forward with my life, and he can get back to his life too.

He grabs my shoulders and looks me straight in the eyes as he says, "I'm so fucking proud of you."

"I love you, Niall," I say as I hug him again.

As his arms are around me, he says, "I love you too."

I watch as he hops into his car. I stay on the sidewalk as he pulls out of the parking spot. He gives me a little wave as he drives away, his car quickly leaving my eyesight.

I'll never be able to repay him for all that he did for me. It's a debt I will never be able to pay off. I hope that he knows how much it all meant to me.

When I go back inside, the air in the apartment feels weird. It started to feel normal to live here with Niall. Knowing that Harry is back makes me slightly anxious. It's different.

I go up the stairs and spot him in his room. His back is to me as he folds some of his clothes and puts them in a neat pile on his bed. I forgot how tall he is and how his presence fills the entire room.