A budding writer's collection

Is it truly me?

I drown myself in the bathtub,

Scalding hot water, maybe this will cure me

The pink sore flesh, the pruned fingers

It is not enough

I dive deep into the lavender-scented waters,

How dare I?

My body is bursting at the seams,

It is consuming my very being

It must be a disease,

It surely cannot be me, can it?

I submerge into the frothy waters again,

Taking in the lavender fragrance,

Maybe it will heal me

I cannot have done this to her,

I cannot be worthy of living

How dare I?

The water's red, 

Maybe it's ending, finally.

Maybe I'm being put out of my misery,

Maybe.

But there's no wound in sight.

My shirt's soaked in her blood,

My palms painted a crimson hue

I turn the tap,

The water gushes out with fury,

Maybe this is retribution

Maybe it is fate's sign,

I must kill the monster today

All she ever asked of me was love,

All I ever found myself able to inflict upon her was pain

Having a string of lovers who couldn't knock upon the door of my heart

Was better than being undressed by her piercing gaze

She could see through my façade,

The cold heavily-guarded fort,

Lest the monster escape

I tried my best, but to what end?

How dare I?

I find myself seeking solace in the merry moments,

The masquerade ball where our paths intertwined,

Her seductive stare and the suggestive smirk

Her child-like wonder at everything yonder,

Her witty remark at every soirée,

The only thing I found myself looking forward to

Oh, the whiff of a peculiar lavender scent

As her tresses caressed my face

How dare I?

The searing water filled up to the brims of the bath,

It is not enough,

I dive deep into the lavender imbued water,

I shall never rise again