A budding writer's collection

LOST AND FOUND AND LOST AGAIN

Tears that try to heal the bloodshot eyes,
Waking up from a drunken stupor
Might just be the closest thing to the horrors of hell
Your infectious smile everywhere,
The eyes carrying the reflections
Of a million happy memories we made,
With you by my side

The rope of your absence wound around my heart,
Pull, pull, pull
Squeeze and squeeze,
Wringing out whatever happiness that kept me alive

Yet there's a feeling hard to shake,
Try as I might to make sense of it,
There's no answers in this hedge maze
But you are here with me, aren't you?
I swear I can feel your sadness, helplessness
Watching me weep every night
It's more overpowering than the stink of the stale pasta,
Overstaying its welcome in the fridge

You think you are stealthy?
No wonder you loved those spy movies
But you have never been so, have you?
You think I didn't notice,
The apparently wild gust of wind,
Which conveniently pushed the sleeping pills off my nightstand?
And did you think I would never piece it together,
How the windows were never opened,
Not even a smidge?

Should I truly chalk it upto hallucination,
Or did you ruffle my hair that day,
When the sobs were uncontrollable,
When life felt like a bizarre game
When breathing struck my heart with unbearable ache?

Just how cruel can life's game of pawns be?
To sense you, feel you, know you are there,
And end up empty-handed,
Each time I reach out to the space between us?

Maybe I should live out my days and nights in my dreams,
At least I can hold you in my arms,
Content that you are safe