Lainey's Story

26

"You ever thinking about banging this shit?" I asked Krist as I passed him the pipe.

He looked at me like I was out of my damn mind, "Hell no, I ain't never think about that," he snapped, "That's nasty as fuck and makes people get weird and shit."

"Dude, how is smoking it any less gross? Meth is gross."

Krist took a long hit, I caught him exhaling through the pipe and hitting it again. Double-hitting mother fucker. I didn't say anything though.

After he took his "real" exhale, he looked at me, wiping the hot glass bubble on his shirt, "It's just gross, and for real, you ever be around any slammers? They be doing hella weird shit."

I cocked my head, "How so?"

"My dad had this weird dude he hung out with, Mullet Mike who used to, prolly still does, slam and my dad said one time he was getting high with him and their broads and that, I shit you not, Mike fuckin' took his shot, pulled his pants down and sat on a screwdriver. Right in front of them. My dad said it was the grossest shit he ever seen."

I looked at Krist doubtfully, "Bullshit!"

Krist nodded vehemently, "Dude, my dad like showed me, not like did it, but he said that Mike fuckin' pulled his hair back with one hand and put the fucking screwdriver up his butt. It sounds like some bullshit but I met that dude and I don't doubt it. Weird ass muhfucker. Like you ever see the episode of Intervention with that weird dude who jacks off all day when he's tweaking?"

I nodded.

"So Mullet Mike was over at my dad's and I was like 'bruh, I saw this show, and dude gets high and beats off for like twelve hours straight. He fuckin' looks at me like, offended all, 'Guess you never really been high before'. Like I wanna fuck and all high but fuckin' yank my shit for half a day? Hell naw. Shit be raw and shit, ya know?"

"Your dad is a weirdo for hanging out with that guy," I pointed out, "He probably does shit like that too."

Krist grimaced, "Fucking f'real, right? He prolly fucking held the screwdriver for him as he sat on it. Fuckin' weirdos."

I laughed, "I've done weird stuff high but literally nothing like that has ever crossed my mind."

His already wide eyes widened even more, "Dude, right? And my dad said after that, he just pulled it out, tossed it to the side, and put his pants on."

"God...I would die laughing if someone did that in front of me," I told him.

"That fucking lame, Michelle, probably does. I can see him doing that, moaning like a bitch an' all that," Krist shook his head, "Man, I wish you were there when I fuckin' punked his ass out, shit was funny as hell, baby. 'How about twenty?' How about you give me it and I don't beat your ass, fuckin' lame. His girl just staring at me with her mouth open.

"Bro, I would legit hope you'd leave my ass if I let someone punk me out. Like ain't that embarrassing as a female to have some bitch made dude fuckin' sponging off you 'cause you know his ass don't work or have nothing to contribute. And then he's all 'Imma hustler' fuckin' steady getting punked by the skinny neighborhood playa."

"Who is the skinny neighborhood player?" I asked, fighting back my smirk.

"If I wasn't a changed man, I'd sock your ass for asking me that. Ping! Shit, come on Lainey."

"I just figured you meant Fernando."

He clicked his tongue, "You are pushing your luck, baby. Pshhh. Fernando?" I cackled, throwing my bare feet on his lap. "Ask your man Fernando for a foot rub."