Love Amidst The Chaos

36| Healing Hearts

🛡️

Vidyut

My eyes flutter open at the outlast of the door slamming shut. I peer at my side to see the side empty, my wife missing and at the same time light illuminates the floor from beneath the bathroom door. Blinking in daze I wait for her to come back, hoping to just talk something, anything to her.

I missed that woman the whole day. A lot more than I could put into words. And much more than I could confess to someone. Her smile, her twinkling eyes, the laughter and calls and especially the blabbers of how her day went.

I wonder how it went and I desperately wish to hear her talk me to sleep. My hopes are down low, because I already have an idea I've ruined her day. Ivaan's text- you're an insensitive asshole- assured me that. But even so, I'd listen to her talking about anything at all than to stay silent with her anymore.

The moment the door sways open, my eyes goes to the her silhouette. She scrambles out of the bathroom, urgently. Her body visibly trembling, a hand on her chest as she stands by the vanity leaning closer to it as if for support and clumsily pulls open vanity drawers.

I sit back straight, alert and confused.

"Esha?" Panic surges through me sending a shiver down my spine seeing her knees wobble and body sway.

Her attention splits to me for a millisecond, just a quick glance. Her gasp echoes aloud across the room, trying to take in breath so she could talk, but unable to do so, she focuses back on whatever she's doing.

Switching the light on, I rise from the bed, approaching her. "What are you looking for?"

Without a snap of an eye at me, she continues her frantic quest with trembling hands, going desperately through the drawers, one after the other, fumbling through the bottle of medicines stocked until she blinks heavily at one and takes it.

An attack. She's having an episode of AFib and the knowledge leaves a shiver down my spine.

I jog around and fetch her a glass of water while she taps out two tablets and gulps them down with the water in one go.

My chest clenches in realization of what's happening. Her red, tear-rimmed face hits me like a slap across the face. The reason for this to suddenly emerge. For a severe attack to occur, there must have been a trigger, and today, that trigger could be everything I caused.

She drops to her knees as soon as the medicine goes down her throat, her eyes fluttering shut weakly while her body collapses against the table for support. My eyes wide in alarm, I scoop her trembling form in my arms with a rigid breath, and settle myself against the wooden table.

Her head airily falls on my shoulder, a streak of tears roll down her face and every bit of knowledge I have on how to handle her when she's fighting an attack fades in the air turning invisible to one.

My thoughts run at the speed of light, a mile a minute. I try to grasp a single thing that could help her lessen the pain and torture she undergoes now. But all that clouds my mind is every single thing I could have done to prevent this from happening. I was the one who held the anchor and guided it too far that one end broke.

Guilt, shame and regret smolders and flows in loads leaving me feeling numb.

Only if I weren't so furious, only if I talked to her any one time she came to me. If I wasn't this stubborn and simmering in anger like a fool, I could have stopped this from happening.