Love Amidst The Chaos

27| Lazy In Love

• Esha •

I've loved my single life half heartedly. It was fun, carefree, away from any responsibilities, never accountable to someone, and wholly myself. And especially observing the environment I lived in where half of my girlfriends who were in a relationship ended up heartbroken, depressed and alone by their partners, seeing my own parents' separation and fights since a young age I've very lowly resented not getting into relationship until too late.

And marriage never crossed my mind.

But now here I sat, in Disneyland in Paris with my husband on our honeymoon, watching him order crepes for me at the counter in the distance. It's time for my medicine and I am to eat something before having it. Honestly I've forgotten all about my medicines. It's my husband who carries my medicine in his side bag as if it's his life that depends on them and not mine, and reminds me to take them from time to time. He's also bought all the emergency supplies I'd need in case of emergency in his bag.

Man is a mini first-aid room at this point.

To be cared for like this.

And that makes me wonder how people call marriage a chaos. Because for me, the last five days of being married was a bliss. I am loving being married to him. I without a second thought would accept the few last days where I woke up beside him has turned out to be my most cherished mornings. Days I've never dreamt of but now is my reality. The most beautiful days, I, in the twenty-four years of my existence came to see.

Being Esha Vidyut Mahajan didn't just give me a partner, a man to build a family and future with, it has brought a momentum, a masterpiece of a man to love.

Yes, to love. Because if not love him, if not melt into him, if not confine myself to him without a care in the world, I don't know why I am here knowing him. And I ever so surely know that any woman or even man who has met my husband ever- this side of him, where he has nothing to offer but care, love, assurance and an immense amount of hope- they'd too fall for him in a blink.

He walks back to where I sit- on the ground before the castle along with others to watch the fireworks show- with a smile, settles in his earlier position- that is behind me, nestling me gently between his spread legs- and hands me the crepes and hot chocolate he's bought for me.

I lax back onto his wide chest, find a comfortable position and tilt my head to shoot a smile at him.

"Thank you."

As a reply he kisses my hair and wraps his arm around my waist.

I sigh at the calming sensation that bursts inside me and sip my drink.

This feels so dreamy and I fear it isn't real.

We don't share words, comfortable silence stretches between us. For instance, I think we have nothing left to share. Because we've shared words and beyond in the last four days and nights. But I also know that's not true and we as usual will again start blabbering in a few minutes as if we've never met each other in years if not decades.

I watch as the couples scramble around with their kids. Youngsters, toddlers, infants and every age group of them. It's mostly family and very few bachelors and couples. Well, it's a park and it is only fair to see the kids dominate the place. It's healing to see them too. To see them play around with their parents owning the space as their own, to watch as the parents genuinely smile and enjoy being with them, caring for them. It creates a yearning feeling in me which I know can never be fulfilled. I've lost my childhood like one loose sand through their hold, painfully fast, dry and deserted. The only hope I now have in healing the wounds the abandoned child inside me went through is when I'd have my own kid.