Valor

Chapter 6

Onxy

I wake up in a cold sweat, the nightmares fading with every passing second until I can't even remember what made me wake up in the first place. It's become regular for me to have nightmares of that night back as a teenager, but they've intensified every since Lilah showed up. I know that if I told my brothers about it they would demand to help, but there is nothing they can do. It's not their fault that I'm broken. It's not their fault that Lilah's deep brown hair and bright blue eyes trigger something in me that lied dormant for so long.

I shake off the memories before they try to come back in full vengeance. I throw on a pair of black sweats, not bothering with a shirt.

It's still early in the morning; early enough to know that Kai and Dame will be fast asleep.

I make my way down the stairs and round my way into the kitchen, the light from the sunrise casting a glow against the steel appliances. It takes me a moment to realize the back door is slightly cracked open. Automatically I am on alert. The alarm didn't sound which means someone was able to bypass it and after what Lilah said about Mav's bounty, the threats are beyond real.

I grab a gun from a drawer and make my way carefully to the porch. When I'm able to get a slight glance out I see Mav's back, his arms resting on the railing looking out at the backyard. It's cold now since we are so far up north, but the slight chill is perfect against my cool skin. Unlike me Mav is wearing sweats and a sweatshirt, a steaming cup of coffee in his hands.

"You seem lost in thought." I say aloud as I make my way towards him, my hands in my pockets. He doesnt bother to look at me, simply sighing and taking a sip of his coffee. "You shouldn't be out here alone. Not after what Lilah told us."

That seems to get Mav's attention and he gives me a look. Mav and I are the closest out of the four of us. We've been friends since we were little, and that bond has given me an insight into how Mav thinks. His look right now is conflicted, and in the silence of the morning I can almost hear his raging thoughts.

"What's on your mind Mav?" I say softly, leaning my hip against the railing.

He lets out another sight. "You're going to think I'm being irrational." His tone is sad which makes my spine straighten. I haven't seen Mav this sad since his sister died when he was little.

"Does this have something to do with Casey?" I ask.

"Not exactly." He murmurs, taking another sip of his coffee.

I mull on that for a second. Casey was bound to bring up memories of the past. Maybe memories of his sister or maybe memories of Casey. Maybe he's upset about the bounty on his head.

"Do you ever wonder if we'd even be able to love a woman in this life?" Mav says suddenly, shocking me a little bit. Mav has never been interested in women. He fucks his fair share of them, but he hasn't been on a date since he was a teenager. I didn't think he was ever interested in a life outside of the underground. He's always said his brothers have been enough for him and I always believed it. It's become enough for me, and integrating women into that seems impossible.

"Kai is never going to find a woman to tame and Dame is a whore." I laugh trying to avoid the seriousness of the conversation. It's not something I ever thought i would take about with Maverick.

"I'm serious, Onyx." Mav looks up at me. It takes me a second to realize that he's not sad. He look is more one of longing.

"Is that something you want?"

"I'm not sure. I never thought about it before..." He stops talking and takes a sharp intake of breath, casting his gaze back out to the backyard. The rising sun almost makes his eyes look golden, the longing even more evident.

"Before Lilah?" I murmur. I don't need to look at Mav to know the answer. I'm not sure what it is about that girl that has made her a constant thought in not only my head, but Mav's as well. I've had women throw themselves at me and yet I've never thought of them when they leave my bed. The fact that Lilah has infiltrated her way into my every waking thought leaves a sour taste in my mouth.

I would never admit it, but it scares me more than angers me. On the outside I sneer at Kai for obsessing over her, but on the inside I beg to be able to run my finger along her soft skin, and devour her mouth with my own.

"There's something about her that I can't seem to get out of my mind." He says breaking me out of my thoughts.

"I know what you mean." I reply.

Mav looks at me, cocking an eyebrow. I'm not a feelings guy. I don't like looking weak, but here with my most trusted person, I can't help but let the mask slide.

"I've been thinking about her a lot. Kai already seems to be obsessed and even Dame seems distracted. He hasn't brought a girl home since she came days ago, do you know that?"

Mav stands up and looks directly into my eyes. "What the fuck is it with her. She wants nothing to do with us, yet there's nothing more I want than seeing her face again."

I let out a deep breath looking away at the grass below. "You've got to let it go Mav. She doesn't belong with us. For all we know she's got someone to take care of her."

Mav growls under his breath, a deeply possessive sound I don't think I have ever heard from him. Shit, he's deeper into this than I thought. Maybe Kai isn't the only one. "She doesn't seem like the type." Mav then lets out a deep sigh, "You want to know what scares me the most about all those thoughts?"

I hum and give him a slight nod.

"I don't just want to fuck her. I want to hold her. I want to laugh with her. I want to keep her."

"I know the feeling Mav, I do, but I need you to ask yourself something. Lilah doesn't exist to the underground, Ghost does. Getting involved with her is putting her in a danger she has been lucky to avoid. Would you really be able to take that away from her?"

That seems to shake Mav out of his thoughts, and he considers it. For minutes neither of us speak. We both know the answer to the question, but I know neither of us want to admit it out loud. There is nothing worse than having a gun to your head. Would we be able to survive losing her if she becomes a target? Ghost can take care of herself, obviously as a hitman she can, but does Lilah want to?

I don't think I can survive losing another person. I don't think any of us can.