Valor

Chapter 41

*Long chapter...getting the gang back together! theres some spice in this chapter too ;) Enjoy!! we still got a bit to go but its getting good now. Marco is a real threat DO NOT underestimate him...at least we can say the valors got their girl and they keeping her no matter what

"I need to see them."

"What you need to do it eat something." Mav says while crossing his arms. His body says he won't budge, but his eyes are pleading. I've lost a lot of weight over the past month. My curves are dissapeared and you can see my ribs when I inhale. I know I must look like shit compared to what I looked like before, but I can't bare to care about myself when the brothers I love are suffering.

They're suffering because of me.

"I promise I will eat Mav." I let my eyes show my sincerity before continuing, "but I need to see him first."

I can tell Mav is going to argue. I can see from the look in his eyes that he is close to just hauling me to the kitchen and forcefeeding me.

I place my hand on his chest, above his heart, relishing the feel of it's increase in tempo just from my touch.

"Please Mav."

He looks conflicted, but finally his shoulders sag and he gives me one stern nod before rounding me and stomping down the stairs.

I take a deep breath. What am I going to say? What can I say? I don't think an apology is enough. I let myself fall so deep and didn't take into account the people in my life that would hurt because of it.

I was begging them to just kill me but deep down even I knew they wouldn't. They would keep me alive no matter what forever.

I take a few hesitant steps letting my body lead me down the hallway until I am at the door that belongs to Onyx's bedroom. I place my head on the door, but hear nothing.

Is he even in there?

Mav said that he hasn't slept or left his room in days.

Finally I rip off the bandaid and open the door. Immediately the smell of Onyx invades my sense; the smoke reminding me of firepits and bonfires from my youth. It soothes my racing heart and for a moment I almost smile at the comfort it gives me.

Onyx is laying on his bed, his eyes wide open, staring at the ceiling. He didn't look up when I walked in or even flinch. It's concerning but then I remember thats exactly what I did.

Has he retreated into his mind too?

"Onyx?" I whisper, my voice barely audible. I'm scared if I'm being honest. Will he hate me? Will he be mad at me? What if he screams at me and kicks me out?

He has every right to. I put him and his brothers through hell.

He must have heard me because he shuts his eyes and brings the heel of his hands to his face, pressing them into his eyes.

"You're not real. You're not real. You're not real." He chants like a mantra. I wonder if the more he says it the more he believes it.

I take a few more hesitant steps towards his bed. "I'm real Onyx. I'm so sorry for the past five weeks. I was selfish, but I'm still selfish. I need you back." I say sitting on the edge of his bed.

Still, he doesn't crack his eyes open.

"You're not real! You're not real! You're not real!" He screams, his body shaking. Onyx looks disheveled, his hair matted and his body so limp that I wonder when the last time he left this room was.