Valor

Chapter 56

Cold. I'm so cold. It feels like I just hiked through a blizzard and my body is finally succumbing to the frostbite and killer tempretures. I want to yell and scream and cry and moan, but my brain seems to have lost all connection to my body.

I am vaguely aware of a warm body wrapped around my own, but it's not enough to fire up my blood.

That's what the warmth smells like: like blood and death. Surprsingly I don't want to shy away from the smell.

It almost smells like home, like love, like safety. It doesn't exactly belong here; it's lost amongst the sea of chaos, but still, I crave it.

It's like a drug. Something so familiar, yet I can't place it.

It's like the loosness of nicotine mixed in with the calmness of a Xanax, yet all wrapped up in a bow that holds me close.

I was in a room. I was tied up. I was lost to the world, dying all alone as if it meant nothing at all. As if I meant nothing at all.

Surpsringly it didn't hurt me. It didn't make me sad to think that I was all alone.

There was something that hurt me thought. The fact that I was leaving behind four people that would mourn my death.

Leaving them behind makes a cavarn open in my heart. Knowing that I didn't get to say goodbye, knowing that I didn't get to tell all of them that I love them and will love them forever.

It took me too long to realize it and even longer to say it. When I love, I love hard. I give my all and my everything.

What are they going to think when they find out I died. What are they going to do when they hear of my death.

I don't want to think about that, but it won't leave me alone.

I promised myself I wouldn't leave them. I promised myself that I would be strong enough to endure Marco's wrath until they were able to find me, but I wasn't. Maverick is going to scold my lifeless form for not pushing myself hard enough. I did Mav, I tried will all my being, but it will no use.

That part of me that was scared that they gave up on me is fading as my life fades.

Maybe they did give up, but I want to die with the thought that they are still giving their everything. I want to die thinking that they truly loved me as much as I loved them.

I want to die thinking that they were truly my everything.