Valor

Chapter 62

"It's so fucking cold." Mav grumbles as he tugs his grey hoodie and blows his warm breath on hands.

I'd make fun of him, but he looks so cute with that little pout on that I keep my mouth shut. Mav is by far the strictest when it comes to his relationship with me, so seeing him be so laid back makes me tread carefully.

I know we can't stay locked up in the mountains forever, but everything seems so much simpler.

"I can make a fire." Onyx says coming in from outside, dressed in nothing but shorts and his running shoes. Onyx's routine in the morning is insane to me. I mean i totally understand getting up to workout, but he sticks to it no matter what. It was snowing yesterday and yet he still went out. When he didn't come home around his normal time I was genuinely concerned.

Crazy bastard.

Mav scowls at him, tugging his sweatshirt tighter around his body. Before he can open his mouth to reply, Kai jumps over the couch and runs out the backdoor.

"I'll make it!" He screams as the door slams behind him.

The past week here has been a nice break, and it's easy to forget the shit we've gone through. Of course when Dame brought it up last night, the room went silent. We've been avoiding talking about Marco for a very long time. A part of me wonders if he is even worth taking on. Couldn't we just stay here and let him be?

No. Marco will never let me live now that I've escaped him twice. I know Marco is insane, but me getting away from his twice in the span of five years does not look good on his part.

That also means that he'll be coming after the Valors too. If it was just me, I think I'd be able to deal with it; at least mentally.

The fact that he's coming aftet the only people in this world I care about eats me alive.

What if I lose them?

"Shouldn't have mentioned the fire." Dame mumbles as he flips the page of his book from the couch as Onyx walks over to where I sit in the kitchen. I've been nursing the same cup of coffee for about an hour now. My mind is stuck on Marco, and I can't seem to shake the feeling that something bad is going to happen.

Everything has already gone wrong. I feel so lost and alone even though I'm constantly surrounded by my men.

While Mav, Kai, and Dame would try to talk to me about all of it in this state, Onyx recognizes that I need to be lost in my head. I don't want to talk about Marco— I don't want to rehash the things he's done to all of us.

Everytime his name comes up, the temperature in the room drops a dozen degrees and I can't make it through three sentences before one of the Valors is growling or storming out.

I wanted to joke about how emotional they're being, but I recognized that they haven't had the same amount of time as me to separate myself from all the shit that has happened.

I know how to deal with everything–the pain, the nightmares. They will always haunt me and I've accepted that. What they don't understand is that those things don't define me. It takes awhile, and it is not easy, but those things fade with time.

Marco's memory and touch will go away, and until it does I can only remain strong.

Dame would say I'm being too hard on myself. He would say that I have them to lean against, but doesn't he understand that I don't want to put all of that shit on them?

It's a lot even for me, and I'm the one that went through it all. I can't possibly put him through it too. Dame already feels shitty about his role in putting me in Marco's hands, and no matter how many times I tell him it's not his fault, he still beats himself up.