OUR LOVE STORY

21

Nomandla Paris Khumalo - Mhlongo

I honestly feel angry at Lifa right now. The way he just lacks interest in our intimacy confuses me. Sometimes it makes me think he might be getting it somewhere, who knows?! Just like last night, after he turned me down like that, I honestly started overthinking a lot and I couldn't help it. What if he was getting it the time he was away?!

I just put the boys to sleep after such a long day today. I take off my gown, lotion my hands, and get in bed. I'm ignoring him on purpose even though I can feel his eyes all over me. I sleep giving him my back but seconds later I feel him snaking his hands around my waist and start breathing on my neck.

Me: "Do you mind? I'm trying to sleep."

Lifa: "Baby?"

Me: "I'm working tomorrow Ndlalifa, ngicela ukulala."

Lifa: "No, I can't take this anymore. Can we talk please?" I sigh because clearly, I won't be getting any sleep until he says whatever he wants to say.

Me: "Ngilalele."

Lifa: "I'm sorry." I just look at him.

Lifa: "I'm really sorry baby, I was just tired after driving for so long."

Me: "It's fine Lifa."

Lifa: "No, It's not. I know you want to say something, please talk to me, baby."

Me: "Are you getting it somewhere Ndlalifa? Is there someone else giving it to you, maybe that someone is more experienced than me, angazi." Really because I don't know what else to think at this point.

Lifa: "There's nobody else, baby, it's only you sthandwa sami."

Me: "I don't know that Lifa."

Lifa: "Trust me, baby, there's no other person."

Me: "Then what is the problem?" he sighs deeply.

Lifa: "I'm scared." I frown.

Me: "Of what?"

Lifa: "I'm scared that maybe I'm not good enough or I won't satisfy you enough."

Me: "Really Lifa?! We both know you are the only man I know and I've said it before and I'll say it again, you are the best for me."

Lifa: "It's just that after finding out about dad cheating with my ex kind of messed me up. I thought maybe there is something wrong with me. It also took me back to how you disappeared after our first night together." I sigh.

Me: "I'm sorry for how I had left, I was honestly feeling embarrassed and cheap so I didn't want you to see me afterwards."

Lifa: "It's okay baby and you were not cheap, buka manje usunomnyeni wakho othi wena." I giggle.

Me: "Back to your ex-wife, she had her reasons for cheating and I'd be glad if you didn't compare me and her." I tell him with a straight face.

Lifa: "I wasn't comparing babe, besengisho."

Me: "Mmhm. I think siye sagagamela. You were supposed to get divorced and then heal yourself from your previous marriage."

Lifa: "I didn't even love her so I don't see any need to hea..."

Me: "Don't even. You just compared me to her right now after denying me my rights as your wife Ndlalifa. Siphaphile nje, you need to heal from the cheating, lies, and deceit before we can continue with our marriage." he sighs.

Lifa: "But I don't want that"

Me: "So mina, I'm still going to have to beg you for s*x Ndlalifa? I will have to beg and also understand ukuthi you scared because I might do you like your ex?!" he sighs.

Lifa: "I will attend therapy but akukho space wasinuka la." he says then gets under the covers and pulls me to sleep on his chest.

________

It's Saturday and we are on our way to his uncle's house for lunch. Lifa is driving while bobbing his head along the beat of the soft music playing. His kids are both asleep at the back but I know as soon as he parks the car, they'll be awake.

Me: "Baby?"

Lifa: "Sthandwa sami?" I can't help but blush at the way he says it.

Me: "Can we please pass by the garage? I need some snacks."

Lifa: "Okay love." He drives for a little while until we find a BP garage. He parks the car near the convenience store and hands me his card.

Lifa: "Be quick baby please." I kiss his cheek and get out of the car. I rush inside and get the two things I wanted and a big packet of cheese puffs for my boys. I'm startled when someone taps my shoulder aggressively. I turn with a frown

Me: "The hell?!" I roll my eyes when I see that it's my bestie and throw my arms around her, hugging her tight but she doesn't hug me back instead she pushes me off of her.

Me: "Aybo and then?"

Hle: "You're such a b*tch Nomandla!"

Me: "Huh?"

Hle: "So you didn't want to tell me who had broken your virginity that day kanti all along you knew it was someone I was eyeing?!"

Me: "Uyang'thusa manje and I don't understand what you're on about."

Hle: "Cut the crap 'princess'! I just saw you kissing him and getting out of his car Nomandla! I thought you were my best friend yazi."

Me: "Yazini, I'm going to leave right now because I don't want to do something that we both might regret." I gently push her out of my way and walk to the till but she is quick to pull me back by my arm and slaps me across my face. I gasp in shock and just throw two punches at her then backslap her. She is not fighting back now, I know she can't fight to save her life but she must fight me because she provoked me and asked for this fight. I want her to finish what she started. I don't stop hitting her even when she is lying down instead I get on top of her and continue hitting her. I'm also angered by the things she just said to me.

Lifa: "Wenzani Nomandla?!" I just cry when I hear his voice behind me. He picks me up and walks out. He silently buckles me up in my seat before going back inside. He comes back with a plastic and hands it to me.

Me: "She provoked me Lifa." I tell him while hiccuping but he just glances at me.

Lifa: "What if she presses charges against you?"

Me: "She wouldn't, ungisukelile Ndlalifa."

Lifa: "Eat your ice cream and calm down, please. We really don't need this type of energy right now." I nod and just eat my ice cream silently.