Never Not You

Feeling low

Trigger warning: thoughts of self harm and possible thoughts of suicide

As December approached Aurora made the decision to spend her final weeks of pregnancy in Spain, hoping for a familiar setting if her baby arrived early. Alexia, her supportive friend, welcomed her into her home with open arms as they prepared for the impending arrival. Despite her efforts to remain positive, Aurora couldn't shake the weight of her thoughts.

As December approached, so did Aurora's due date. She found herself lost in contemplation, reflecting on the challenging journey of pregnancy. She had hoped her love for her unborn child would overshadow the darker feelings she harboured—feelings not towards the innocent life growing within her, but towards the person responsible for it. She struggled with the disgust of carrying the child of someone who had hurt her deeply.

While staying with Alexia, these troubling thoughts only intensified. Aurora found herself wrestling with even darker thoughts—questioning her worthiness to be a mother, wondering if life would be easier if she weren't there. These thoughts were dangerous, and she knew it.

One day, as she absentmindedly attempted to shave her legs, she found herself staring at the razor blade—a symbol of escape from the turmoil within her mind. The temptation lingered, but so did the memory of her own childhood. She knew first-hand the pain of losing a parent and couldn't bear to inflict that on her child.

Just as she was grappling with these thoughts, Leah arrived on December 8th, bringing with her a sense of relief and comfort. Alexia generously extended her hospitality to both of them, providing a safe haven during this tumultuous time. Together with Alexia, Alba, Eli, and Mapi they gathered in the living room, finding solace in each other's company.

The conversation turned to the imminent arrival of the baby, and amidst laughter and friendly banter, they discussed possible names. The room was divided: the three footballers predicted a boy, while Aurora, Alba, and Eli had a strong feeling it would be a girl.

In the end, they settled on two names filled with meaning and hope. If it was a girl, she would be named Nova—a beacon of light that had entered Aurora's life during a period of darkness. If it was a boy, he would carry the name of Aurora's father, honouring his memory and legacy.