Harmione One Shots

A Harmonious Life Together

Summary: Not all heroes wear capes. Not all French people eat crepes. Not all Weasleys have sour grapes.... But Ron Weasley does. And Hermione Jean Granger is sick of it! She deserves a real man, and she's going to get one! Whatever it takes. Harry Potter and Hermione Granger will get the happy ending they deserve.

Ship: HarryPotterxHermioneGranger

All credit goes to Anonymous on Ao3

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When a mysterious strange Death Eater sends a gruesome spell towards the trio during the department of mysteries battle, the trio of Harry, Ron, and Hermione end up in Azkaban together with Draco Malfoy twenty years into the past.

Draco is sad because he doesn't have his hair gel.

But when Ron Weasley risks his life with the Dementors to sneak out of their shared cell to sneak into Bellatrix Lestrange's cell to steal her hair gel to give to Draco, the two enemies of Ron Weasley and Draco Malfoy glow in a green and red harmonious harmony like christmas lights, which makes them becoming to be good friends for life but only for now.

So while Draco and Harry slowly become friends, Hermione spends her time talking to the Dementors and studying them. But it turns out Hermione was being seduced and brainwashed by dementors so they were having a big affair.

While Ron was having an affair with Bellatrix because she was looking very pretty and luminescent back while she was a young adult before Azkaban took a huge toll on her.

Hermione dances on the dementor's stripper's pole and shakes her good stuff while Draco and Harry kiss and watch in mesmerization and in the most of the beauty and the glory.

But the magical sparkling Draco and Harry kiss causes their Azkaban pyjamas to melt off in the same way that Bellatrix Lestrange caused Neville Longbottom's skin and bones to melt off very smoothly like buttery meatiness. Like a lion in the wagon on a summer's day of joy.

So then after Draco and Harry kiss, they get transported to a future 10 years later after the end of the Hogwarts castle, where they are married, and so are Ron and Hermione (for some reason; they don't know why.)

Draco gets a job at the mermaid bank because the goblins want to drink his blood. While Harry gets a job as a used-car salesman. It's rough, but they make do. Their piping hot cauldron full of steamy overflowing love holds them together like a chunky blob fish caught in the teeth of a carnivorous shark.

Ron and Hermione on the other hand are having relationship problems again. The Dementor Affair has really been disturbing Ron because Ron is not good at pole-dancing and he's jealous that Hermione is. This is unacceptable.

I need to divorce her, Ron Weasley thinks to himself.

"Hermione, we need to break up." Ron said painfully, with constipation.

"But why Ron? We were doing the smooching ever so nicely?" Hermione flutters her eyes at Ron sweetly to make him remember their love.

But it's to no avail, as in Ron's betrayed eyes of drowning despair and doom, he only sees the Queen of Darkness making love to evil shadowy soulless monsters.

I have more of a soul than that Dementoid, Ron thinks to himself in lamentation and grief.

Ron looks deep into the eyes of Hermione Granger to try to see inside her soul with his skills of Legimency.

As Ron's eyes zoomed into Hermione's deadless but simpering eyes looking for forgiveness, Ron goes inside her mindscape that looks like a big library of knowledge and books and sinistry.