Kakashi x Reader

16

16

You sit down next to each other on a tree trunk that the students use for some kind of exercise, and for an endless period of time neither he nor you say a single word. The tension between you is so immense in an unpleasant way that your neck hairs stand up and you can hardly breathe. You would have liked to run away. But no matter how much the urge gnawed at you, it was more important to find out why Kakashi needed to talk to you.
"So..." you begin just as he says, "I'm sorry that I just disappeared."

You look at him from the side, dumbfounded. He... apologised? To you? WOW! "Um..." you say, but then you clear your throat. Your voice sounds much too loud compared to his dark whisper. "It's okay."

"No," he replies and also looks at you. Just for a short while. "No, it's not okay. I shouldn't have just disappeared. That was crap and I only proved to you how cowardly I am."

"Don't be too hard on yourself, Kakashi." You raise your hand as if you want to put it on his shoulder, but then you change your mind. "I would have loved to have hidden away for days on end after talking to my father. Believe me, I know what a Namikaze scolding is like."

"Yes," he laughed almost, but immediately became serious again. "Listen, (Y/N)," he whispered and you took a deep breath because your name from his mouth is pure torture. Your fingers twitch again, in an attempt to comb through his silver hair. "What happened there is... It wasn't right."

You bite your lip because your suspicion and the bad feeling turn out to be right. No good conversation starts with these words. You know that. Nevertheless, you harbour the naive hope that Kakashi does not want to have one of those it's-not-your-fault conversations here.

"What happened..." you begin to repeat, but he interrupts you immediately and cuts off any further words.

"This with us, it's going nowhere."

Your heartbeat stops and an icy coldness tries to creep into your veins. You stop it. No, you force it not to take possession of you. You raise your chin bravely. "Is that what my father told you? That - whatever this is between us -," you point back and forth between you, "- makes no sense?" He nods and you snort. "Well, that's cowardly, Hatake."

"What?" Kakashi turns to you and you wonder where your sudden courage comes from.

"You heard me. Now I think you're a coward."

"(Y/N), listen..."

"No," you interrupt him this time and look him deep in the eyes. For a second, your gaze slides along the edge of his mask and you itch to just rip it off and kiss him. Although... you would probably just stare at him first and store his appearance in your memory. You clear your throat and look back into his eyes. "Please let me explain why I think you're a coward. It's not because you disappeared for days on end, or because it happened at night or with Obito," you say, putting as much seriousness into your voice and expression as you can.

"Oh no? Well, I'm curious," he jokes, and his mask twitches. Right where you would expect his mouth to be.

Your face remains impassive, even though your pulse quickens. "I think you're a coward because you're giving up what's new before we know what it really is." The joke disappears from his eyes and pure seriousness remains.

He pauses and you watch him swallow dryly. "That's not it?"

"No? Then how?"

"Your father has..."

"Please do me a favour and leave my father out of this. Whatever he said shouldn't influence you."

"He's our sensei, (Y/N)."

You laugh dryly. "And my father, so what? What does that have to do with your private life?"

"I respect him."

"So do I. And yet it is not his place to determine my life. Even when my father was not," you say, looking up at the sky. "If I can say that, it should not be difficult for you to leave him out of these matters."

Kakashi blows out his breath in frustration and ruffles his hair. "It's not that easy. What the Sensei said... it's true."

You turn around completely and wait for him to do the same. It takes a moment, but now you are sitting opposite each other in a cross-legged position.

"What did he say?" you want to know, and you start nibbling at the wood of the trunk. Kakashi remains silent and just watches your fingers. "All right," you say. "Then I'll tell you what he told me." You stop nervously nibbling at the trunk and sit up a little. "Father said that you're not the right person for me, and that your past... he said we don't match and indirectly that I would be better off with Iruka."

Kakashi laughs once, joylessly, and leans back, shaking his head. "Iruka, then?"

"Yes. Although I secretly believe that he would prefer to see me with Obito."

He laughed louder and more angrily. "Shoot!" he growled, tilting his head back. "I knew that the Hokage didn't like me all that much, but that he'd rather see his daughter with an Uchiha than with me..." He laughed again and then fell silent. "No wonder the Sensei was so blunt."

"He likes you," you reply, and you can't help wondering what your father actually said. Your curiosity is growing. "I think you're his favourite student on the team, Kakashi. And I'm saying that without being angry, and as the daughter of the sensei. It's just... he knows how you treated me all those years, Kakashi. And father thinks it has to do with your past. Is that so?«, you ask quietly after a pause for thought, looking for his gaze. »Is that why you've been so unrelentingly harsh with me?«

His jaw moves back and forth and before he answers, "Maybe."

"Kakashi, you..."

"Please don't start lecturing me about how I'm a good person and that my past is in the past," he stops you and frowns. "We both know that's not true. I'm a good shinobi, even exceptionally talented," he says and you mentally add, incredibly arrogantly, but let him continue. "I would give my life for Konoha. On a mission, too, without hesitation, for Obito and for... you.«

Your heart leaps and you can't hide your red cheeks. Even when you lower your head, you are sure that Kakashi must have seen it. You don't look up again until he says quietly: "But I'm not a good person and your father is right. If the Hokage says I'm not good for you, who would I be to contradict him?"

The jump turns into a stabbing pain and your stomach cramps up. "Kakashi..." you try again, but before you can say any more, he stands up and starts to run away.

Again.