I pull the tights up my legs that are decorated with shades of red after the heat of that shower.
I almost fell to the floor during that shower, the fog that was rising from the water alongside my panic almost made me collapse.
But here's what I've extracted from everything.
Here's everything I now know.
1- I killed my mother, that one single thought has left me in pieces all fucking day, I killed her, and there's nothing I can do.
It was 11 fucking years ago, but I feel so guilty.
2- I just killed Giovanni, the mafias mine and I'm fucking free.
Even thought he left me with the unbearable weight of the truth of my nightmare I'm relieved , I'm so relieved that he's gone. I'll never have to see his face again, Never have to feel his hands again or hear his voice.
My breaths sound shallow and I look at myself in the mirror.
I'm not okay.
I'm not okay but that's fine.
As long as no one ever sees me break like that again.
I move away from my mirror and approach the door.
" Zayden" I call his name out and poke my head out of the door after I'm dressed.
My heart feels heavy and I feel like there's something in my throat.
He leans off the wall next to my room and I raise my eyebrows at him.
" you were waiting here" I question him and the look he gives me almost makes me forget about everything else that's happened.
Almost.
" you're speaking to me" A small grin lightens his face and I roll my eyes at him.
I move from the door and open it up for him.
He takes a step inside and I sit on my bed.
I watch as he sits beside me and feel the bed sink as he joins me.
" Ariana I..." he starts
" no" I cut him off
"No?" He repeats
"...... I don't want to talk about it, I ... It doesn't matter it happened along time ago, if I could forgive you when I thought it was your fault I should be able to forgive myself" I finish with a shaky breath and look at him.
I want to drown in those green eyes.
" fine then we won't talk about it" he concludes
I advert my gaze and look at the wall.
Then I look at the table and the door and then back at him because the silence is getting too much for me to handle.
The second I turn my head and look at him regret Instantly seeps through my bones.
I haven't spoken to him since the kiss, well not properly Atleast.
Shit that's what he meant.
His eyes are focused on my face, gentle and unwavering.
I missed him.
I missed his annoyingly gorgeous face, I missed his taunting and flirting and I missed his voice and those green eyes and that black hair.
" don't look at me like that" I break the silence
" like what?" He tilts his head to the side
" like I'm worth something" I grumble
" nothing can amount to your worth darling" he drawls and grabs a piece of my hair twisting it in his hand.
" I wonder how many girls you've said that to" I roll my eyes ignoring my blush.
" only you" he hums
"You know you finally got what you wanted" I turn my body to face him, tucking my feet under my legs.
" I killed him" I continue disregarding the fact that I didn't want to talk about it only so he would say something.
He blinks in recognition , " but you didn't kill him for me, you killed him for yourself"
That is entirely true, I did kill him for myself.
He doesn't give me time to dwell on it any further, "and either way who cares about what I wanted, when what I want now is so much more vital to my being"
I furrow my eyebrows.
" and what is it you... want?" I ask willing myself to not crumble
" you, every part of you, always only you" he finishes and that's when for the second time I find my lips on his.
This is ....
Wow.
He tastes like a sin, like the sweetest part of heaven and everything I've ever needed in my life.
I sink into him, revelling in the feeling as he grabs my waist and pulls me towards him.
I shift and grab his hair as I groan into his mouth.
He moves back quickly, his breaths fastened.
He looks absolutely soul crushing.
He can crush my soul.
" just to clarify you're not going to get mad at me for some unknown reason or ignore me again are you?" He questions and I feel a sudden pang of guilt.
" as long as this is really what you want, never" I breathe
" have I ever given you reason to believe I wanted anyone but you?" He smiles
I'm not able to answer his questions because again I get a taste of my favourite thing in the world.
If I died right now I would die a happy woman.
Now it's me pulling away.
"what does this mean ? Should I even be doing this I mean I just killed my dad shouldn't I feel sick ? How can you stand me right now" I start rambling at the realisation of how absolutely wrong this day has been.
But being with him feels so right.
" this means, I'm yours, I'm yours Ariana , wether you hate me or like me , you have complete control over me, you have me even if I don't have you, and nothing else matters, nothing else matters so just stay here, stay here in this moment with me" He manages to ease my nerves and moves a strand of loose hair from my face.
" you want me?" I smile.
"Only you" He confirms with the nod of his head
"Even though I'm difficult and rude?" I question
"especially because of that, those are some of my favourite qualities of yours" he muses and I laugh throwing my head back
"I knew you couldn't resist me" he smiles baring his teeth.
He is smiling, really smiling and I die at the sight of two dimples that show themselves.
Zayden olezka is mine.
I'm falling.
Helplessly.
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Word count: 1029
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Broken Constellation
Romance"blood on your hands they say- as though it stops there ; at your wrists, like a glove as though you could do all of this and there couldn't be a part of you that isn't stained or dripping" They say the loveliest angels make the cruelest demons an...
