Saving Lotte Sullivan | Collingwood/Carlton

117: Ashtrays & Heartbreaks

A/N: the actions and dialogue in this book do NOT represent real life events or views on Nick Daicos or Sam De Koning at all. I am a fan of SDK if it reads otherwise.

Viewer discretion advised for this chapter.

...

'Do you ever just...think you're going to die? Think it's going to take you out?'

Ashlyn Addison - in the most depressed mood, asked Patrick Lipinski the question as they stood on the steps together in the Fitzroy Gardens.

'To be honest - no. I got my hopes up thinking Collingwood had mixed up the information - I mean, I feel fine. I had to go and have another bone marrow aspiration and biopsy - and Jesus - those things hurt. I don't ever remember having the first one. Turns out Doctor Daicos was right, I'm stage three. But I know I can fight it. I'm fit, healthy, have the highest health insurance cover in Australia and I have access to the best doctors. Chloe's really been helping me keep positive too - and my mates from the dogs, Aaron and Ed' Patrick explained, smiling.

Ashlyn sighed, pulling at the bandage on her wrist.

'I'm in so much pain, Pat. I always knew I was a risk for cancer - two of my aunts have died of ovarian cancer, and my mother had breast cancer. But me - I'm definitely the youngest in the family to get diagnosed. My oncologist and gynaecologist explained that it's why I've had so many miscarriages - and why I had an ectopic pregnancy, in October. It could also be why Caleb had anencephaly. Honestly, it's been there forever and I had no idea. I'm just a fucking time bomb. I don't know what to do. Unlike you and Ivy, I don't have health insurance. I don't have rich parents. I don't have anything to call my own but my son, and a rented dorm in Bundoora. I don't want to ask Nick to help - he'll get too proud and hold it against me. But, all the same time - I'm dying, I know I'm dying, because I can feel the pain and I have all the symptoms. Fucking cervical cancer. I just don't understand HOW' she explained, tears in her eyes.

Patrick sat quietly listening, nodding. 'Which hospital are you at?' He asked.

'I was under the care of the Austin, but they were lacking the immediate specialists. Being in Bundoora - my only other options were the Northern, Box Hill or Maroondah. So now I'm at St Vincent's. They've referred me to the Royal Women's, but they're taking forever. Public health waitlist. I don't have forever though, Patrick. I have a six month old son. I have a job, I have university. I can't just - I can't' she replied, sobbing.

Pat nodded, again, not knowing what to say. It was hard enough coming to terms with his own diagnosis.

'I'm at Peter Mac - you should ask for a referral there. They're one of the best cancer hospitals in the world' he said. Ashlyn shook her head, crying.

'I had to go there for the tests. I'm still in so much pain from them. I couldn't stay in my dorm afterwards, I had to stay at Lotte's - she's been looking after my son. I just feel so bad. She's got the twins - and - and I've just piled Ginnivan on top of her. And Trent's there and honestly, I can't fucking stand him' Ashlyn rambled, pulling her knees up to her chin and leaning on them.

'Yeah, I could only imagine the tests and biopsies for cervical cancer wouldn't be very nice at all. Do you know how to treat it?' Patrick asked nervously.

'Yeah. Radiation and chemotherapy. Fucking both. And they suggested I have a hysterectomy. But - I don't want to do that. I don't want to lose the chance to give Ginnivan siblings. I've always wanted a big family, but for some reason, god keeps taking them away from me. I've been through enough, and now this? I'm Stage two. I told them no to radiation or surgery, because of the risks to fertility they bring. But they don't think chemo will be enough alone' Ashlyn explained, groaning and clutching her head. She felt like screaming. She felt like punching a wall.