The Correct Way To Drink An Affogato

25

Bleed out

"I'm closing the practice because of the legalities involved. We can't afford to open a new practice and buy new machines. The manager of the building should give us a proper compensation for the damages but he's taking the matter to court because the costs of the equipments are worth too much for him to compensate us" Malumanay na paliwanag ni Tito Dominique.

Ramdam ko naman ang pagkadismaya ng mga doctor na kasama namin ngayong lunch. Nasa bente kaming katao rito, karamihan ay doctor at iba naman ay staff ng practice.

I have no problem with the practice closing because I do my surgeries in the partner hospital unlike them that has millions of pesos worth of machines they use for consults and procedures.

"I will need you to submit the list of everything that has been damaged. Except Doc Ogawa and Doc Mere."

Mabait pa rin si Tito Dominique dahil pinaglagpas na niya ang mga desk at upuan na nasira kahit pinipilit ng ibang miyembro ng practice na habulin lahat ng pwedeng mabayaran.

Kami nalang ni Tito ang naiwan sa restaurant dahil kausap niya si Daddy sa phone ko. Humihingi ng tulong.

Nang matapos naman silang mag usap, nagmadali na akong naglakad papunta sa kotse ko.

I went inside and took out my phone. The teaching gig is far from my reach, they replied last night but they're still screening applicants.

My phone started ringing.

"Is this Doctor Alder Ogawa?" Bungad na tanong ng tumawag na babae.

"Yes, who's this?"

I listened and after the call i immediately dialed Connie's number.

"Con, pakisundo si Florian, susunduin ko nalang sa bahay m-"

She cut me off. "Hala! Alder, wala kami sa Cab. Si Snow o Dani ang tawagan mo"

I have no time...

I rushed to the hospital.

The emergency room is packed with people. There's splashes of blood everywhere. People are screaming because of pain and others are angrily talking to each other.

Tumakbo ako papunta sa OR.

I saw the time, it's past 10 minutes after Florian's dismissal.

I am with the resident surgeon on-call. He's the one who called me because his attending is not answering his phone.

He looks nervous. I am nervous because my son is waiting.

The nurses gowned me while he's briefing me on the case "Gunshot injury with multiple intestinal perforation " Tumango ako.

"Please call Dani and Snow using my phone. Pakisabi na sunduin ang anak ko, susunduin ko nalang kung saan bahay siya kung kina Dani o Snow ba." I worriedly looked at the wallpaper of me and my son then handed it to the ward nurse.

The nurse is taken aback but he still took my bag and phone.

"Thank you so much" Sabi ko bago tuluyang pumasok sa Operating Room.

---

"Time of death, 17:23" I took off my gown and left the Operating Room.

I informed the family then took my leave when they started crying.

I tried to save their son but the causes of the bleeding are too difficult to find because of so much blood everywhere that blinded us.

I gave up when the patient bled out the maximum volume.

Lumapit na ako sa nurse station, naroon yung nurse na may kumuha ng bag at phone ko. "Doc, nasa west wing kindergarten po yung anak niyo kasama po si Snow. Nilagay ko po sa locker 3 call room yung gamit niyo"

She handed me the key.

"Thank you so much" Then i look at the name embroidered on her scrubs so I know who I'll send my token to.

I took my bag then checked myself on the glass windows. My black polo shirt is a mess and my shoes are dirty because of the blood spilled on it.

Pagod na pero tumakbo ako papunta sa kindergarten. I opened the door slowly and took a peek if there are a lot people but it's quiet.

I immediately saw Snow with Yuki on her lap.

I opened the door widely and saw my son playong with... Severiano.

Yuki saw me first so she pointed at me and. "Ninong Aj is here!"

Nagmadali siyang lumapit sa akin at nagmano.

My son threw a glance at me and got back to playing cars with Severiano.

Parang sinaksak ang puso ko nang paulit-ulit dahil sa sakit na naramdaman... I stood dumbfounded.

Severiano whispered on Florian's ear but he shooked his head. Kahit si Snow ay may sinabi pero umiling lang ulit ang anak ko at nakapokus sa paglalaro ng kotse niya.

Lumapit na ako kay Snow. She aim for a hug which I accepted. "Si Severiano na ang kasama niya nung dumating ako para sunduin, kung hindi pa nag-uwian ang ibang teacher baka hindi na pinasama si Florian na umuwi kasama kami"

"Thank you, you can go home. I got it from here. I'm sorry f-"

She shushed me. "You should apologize to your son not to me"

Snow left with Yuki. Nakangiting kumaway si Florian sa kanila pero nung makita ako biglang napawi ang ngiti.

Severiano looked at me. I don't know of it's the look of hurt or pity...

"I should go" Aniya tsaka tumayo.

Florian held the hem of his shirt. "If you leave, I will hate you forever." Banta niya.

Severiano looked at me, probably asking if he should stay. "Stay" Bulong ko.

I sat in front of my son. I composed myself and held his hand. "Baby, I'm sorry."

He remained playing with his toy car.

"Baby, Please I'm sorry. It was an emergency"

Is there a way to tell him that I left him at school to save a life without making him feel bad? There's no way... I told him that things are going to change between us because I'm not a slave to the hospital anymore.

Five years, I missed a lot of his milestones. He became cold towards me because he always gets my divided attention. I promised him... You promised Alder Jeo! What kind of father are you if you can't even pick him up from school?

My reason is to strengthen our father-son relationship but my other reason for moving back in the province to heal, to help people... How can I be the doctor that strangerd need if I can't even be a better father?

"Baby, please talk to me" He ignored me, again.

My tears started falling but I wiped it as fast as i could because I don't want to make him feel bad more than he feels right now.

Severiano is now staring at me.

He leaned forward to my son's ear. "Florian, your father says he's sorry."

Umiling si Florian.

"He says he's sorry but he's going to do it again."

When i heard what he said, i felt my heart was snatched out of my body.

My parents are doctors too. This is my worst fear, that my son will feel exactly the same way that I was when I was a kid. That my parents will make promises that they break because there's an emergency at work.

"This is the last time, I promise... Can we please go home?" Tanong ko na inilingan niya.