Cold Winter (Cole x Kai)

Big Feelings

„I'm just angry!"

Kai huffed heavily and looked away with his brows twitching. At that moment he felt too exposed and all he wanted to do was run away. Yet that wasn't possible. He was still held down by Cole after all.

„At me?" The earth boy asked as he tightened his grip. „Yes! At you! At Nya... Loyd, heck everyone! I'm angry at ever single person!" Cole wasn't sure what to make out of this so he remained silent.

He looked at Kai who had his eyes narrowed but no matter how he looked at him he couldn't see the anger he was describing. What he saw was someone whose broken and distressed.

Coles attention was brought back to Kai when he continued to vent. „I'm angry... at everyone. I just hate everyone. I hate everything......."

Kai paused as his eyes widened as if he realised something he hadn't understood before.
„I hate... myself."

Such heavy words brought a long held silence. Shocked, Cole was on top of Kai, heart beating fast and with a loss of words. Kai, who was held down by Cole bit on his lips with his face covered by his arm, barely visible for a reason. Coles sight was limited yet the expression he saw was enough to describe what Kai was feeling at that moment.

Tears were rolling down his cheek as he bit harder on his lip. Cole watched in shock and sorrow. His chest started to hurt and tighten seeing Kai at his lowest point. He slowly softened his hold on Kai and backed up giving him some space. Kai took the opportunity to sit up still hiding his face in the process.

He sniffed trying to stop the tears from flowing. „Kai.." „I really don't like myself. I am annoying and loud. I don't look good and I'm disgusting. I smell like shit and I act like shit. My personality is trash and all I think about is myself. I make others feel bad and I hurt them. I hate how weak my body is...I can't even win against the weather." Kai chuckled while his tears continued to roll. „I am stupid." „Kai..." „I am ugly." „Kai." „I am a lost cause-" „Kai!"

Kai wouldn't listen until a sudden touch brought him back to reality. Kai found himself in between two muscular arms and held close to a firm and big chest. He was squeezed tightly in a hug that could shield him from any harm. It was warm and safe, plus the vibration of Coles beating heart was calming and reassuring. Hearing Cole breathe as his chest rose and fell was all that Kai could think of that moment and for some reason it made his eyes water more.

At the time were Kai couldn't love himself Cole was there loving him double the amount. It felt like a compensation for Kai. At that moment he knew he was loved by someone. He wasn't alone.

His sobbing became louder and his heart was pounding madly. That night it was able to let out everything that it had been holding in.

Cole embraced Kai with the intention to never let go again. His hands strongly tied around Kai to keep him close but also soft to not hurt him. His grip more careful than a beggar holding on to a diamond.

Kai returned the hug and cried his heart out without any hesitation. This night was an eye opening moment for Cole and he became aware of Kais situation. It was more than just the cold. All this time Kai was struggling alone whether it was winter or summer. It wasn't just a physical issue but a psychological too.

As Kai began to drift away Cole petted his hair which was surprisingly soft. „I'm here for you Kai.. I'm here." With that Kai fell asleep and soon after Cole too.

Morning came and sleeping Cole felt around him to make sure Kai was still next to him. He arose immediately after he couldn't find the fire ninja. „...Kai..?" Cole with a sleepy voice called out while still touching around the bed as if Kai could have turned invisible. Right at the call the bathroom door opened and a fresh showered Kai appeared. „You called?" Kai answered with a smirk and began to dry his hair with a towel.

Cole who wasn't completely awake yet stared at Kai mesmerised by how pretty he looked. Seeing him in the sweater he gave him and with messy hair made his chest tingle.

„Come here." Cole demanded making Kai look up from under the towel confused but he still obliged. Cole made him sit in front of him and he started to dry his hair. „How are you feeling?" „...good! I feel great!" Kai enthusiastically stated and started to punch the air in front of him.

Cole laughed at his silly behaviour but he wasn't convinced. He seemed too joyful for it to be true. „Ah crap that was over the top.." Kai thought while he frowned at his own stupidity.

„I just want you to know that I'll always be here for you. So if there's anything bothering you just let me know, okay?" Cole said with a voice of kindness and encouragement making Kais heart throb. Of course he knew he could trust Cole but it wasn't that.

„This night was truly chaotic..." Kai tensed up by the mentioning of what had happened hours ago. He was going to act as if nothing had happened yesterday and was hoping Cole would do the same. „But I'm happy... so relieved." Cole continued with a smile on his face.

„What you did this night was very brave and it must have taken you a lot of courage to tell me what you had been struggling with. I was scared you didn't trust me enough or that you thought I wouldn't want to hear anything about your feelings. But Kai when you opened up to me... it gave me a feeling of peace and comfort. I felt closer to you.
At that moment I felt connected as if this invisible barrier that kept me distant from you finally had disappeared. I'm so happy~" Cole chuckled while he brushed the towel clumsily through Kais hair.

Kai who struggled to sit up straight from all the rubbing of the towel didn't know what to say. He didn't expect Cole to be satisfied after fighting through the night. He wasn't sure if what Cole was saying was really what he felt.

Kai was caught of guard when he felt a heavy weight on his shoulder. Cole was leaning on Kais left shoulder as he took a deep breath in like he always does. He was capturing Kais scent that he loved so much. He then leaned closer to his ear making Kai glance at him in confusion.

„I love you." He whispered. „I love you so much." He whispered a second time. To Coles surprise Kai didn't get flustered like he always does nor did he move or look at him. Cole worried and faced Kai to make sure he didn't make him feel uncomfortable. But it wasn't that at all. Kai had a soft smile on his face but a pitiful expression. „...Thank you, Cole.. and I'm sorry." Kai spoke in a quavering voice with watery eyes.

„I love you too."

There wasn't anything to say anymore that had to be said so they just hugged. A simple hug yet carried by so much love and support.

„We should get ready now before sensei comes for our necks." Kai laughed and let go of Cole who nodded and started to get ready. „I really hope he won't make us do his usual morning work out. It's too much for me." Cole pouted making Kai chuckle. „Oh come on this part of the day is actually my favorite." „Yeah only because your good at it." Cole rolled his eyes jokingly as he put his fingerless gloves on. Kai shrugged with confidence as he opened the door to leave.

„Such a smug.." Cole whispered to himself and glared at Kai. „What did you say?" „I want Buldak" „We can have some later." Kai grinned and walked out. Cole smiled at his beautiful fire boy and followed behind him.