MENDED

fifty-four

alex

FLASHBACK
ALEX: 20 YEARS OLD

i took a swig from the bottle of jack daniel's that i was holding. i looked out across the city of new york and the building lights that shined brightly in the night, as i stood on the ledge of my apartment building. i had come up to the rooftop maybe an hour or so, but i had only just climbed up onto the ledge to get a better view.

i took a hit from the blunt that was in my other hand as i looked down. it was a pretty long way down to the street. i tilted my head, and i stuck my leg out so that it was hovering over the fall.

you know... i don't think i would be entirely opposed if i were to slip right now...

i stumbled as i heard the door to the rooftop open. i was able to plant my foot back onto the ledge without falling. i turned to the door with furrowed brows.

i tilted my head at the unfamiliar face. the person was about 5'4 with curly hair that went to their mid-back. they paused in their tracks as they saw me. even from here, i could see the tears streaming down their face. they took in a sharp breath, and they lifted their hand to wipe their tears. they then made a face at me.

"dude, do you have a fuckin' death wish or something? you're gonna stumble and fall," they said loud enough for me to hear them. their voice was a bit hoarse, which i assumed was from them crying.

"um... no?" i slurred out. "dying isn't exactly on... my to-do list," i said slowly.

they walked over to me, and they held their hand out to me. "come on, get down."

my brows knitted together tightly. i held up both of my hands, to show that they were full with the bottle of jack daniel's and the blunt. as i did so, i stumbled forward and fell almost on top of the person.

"shit," they cussed.

"whoops," i hiccuped.

"see, if you would've been facing the other way, you'd be dead by now," they kissed their teeth.

"what about it?" i grumbled as i pushed away from them and sat on the ground. i leaned against the ledge with a sigh.

they stared blankly down at me for a moment, let out a deep breath, then sat beside me. i narrowed my eyes slightly, and i scooted to the side, away from them. i took another swig of whiskey, followed by another hit from my blunt.

i looked over at the person again as they started to speak. now that i was looking at them, i could see that their cheeks were stained with tears.

"what's your name?" they asked.

"alex," i told them after hesitating for a moment. "i, uh... use they/them pronouns."

their eyes lit up only slightly, though their eyes still looked pretty lifeless; their eyes reminded me of how my own have looked for the past three years. "that's cool, man. my name is jessie, and i use she/they pronouns."

i gave a slight nod. i hiccuped again. "why were you crying?" i asked bluntly, still slurring.

she took in a sharp inhale. "i, uh... i don't know. i just moved here from los angeles, and i already miss my brother, and my best friend, but fuck, i can't live in la anymore. i can't be in that damned, empty house any longer. i can't do it."

i tilted my head. "uh... why not?"

"long story short, my parents are surgeons, who are never home. and i know it might come off that i'm ungrateful, but, like, of course i'm grateful for all the shit they were able to buy because of them being surgeons. at the same time, i just wanted them home and to be there for me. they didn't care enough to take even a little bit of time off to spend with their own children. or at least, it feels like they don't care? i don't fucking know," they ranted.

i blinked at her a few times. i took another hit from my blunt. "it feels like my parents wish they never had me," i, for whatever reason, felt the need to tell her. "or, well... i don't know. i know they love me, but i think they'd love me more if i was a girl. they don't even try to not use my deadname."

"fuck, dude," they gave me an empathetic look. "that's shitty."

i shrugged. i took another sip of my whiskey. "yeah."

it was silent for a while as i finished my blunt. she kept eyeing my bottle of jack daniel's, so i gave the rest of it to her with a deep sigh. they thanked me before they started to chug it. my eyes widened slightly.

jessie turned to face me. "so, you, uh...  you married or anything?" they now slurred a little bit.

i immediately let out a loud laugh. i let my head hang between my legs, which i had pulled up to my chest, as i continued to laugh. "me? married? yeah, fucking right. i'm never getting married, fuck that."

she made a face. "you don't want to get married one day?"

"hell no. i won't ever date anybody. fuck. no. 'love' is not— no," i huffed.

they pursed their lips. "i don't know if i believe in love. i-i don't think i'm relationship material though, so i don't think i'll ever find out if 'true love' or whatever the fuck exists."

"i can already tell you, it doesn't," i muttered.

"damn, what fuck ass relationship have you been through?" her eyes widened slightly.

my chest tightened, and i took in a sharp inhale. i pinched my eyes closed as i looked away from her. "none of your fucking business," i huffed.

"okay, my bad," they apologized with a hiccup. they had drank about a quarter of the bottle of whiskey, and it was clearly hitting them.

even though they had apologized, i was now thinking of her. the entire point of me even coming up to the rooftop and getting cross-faded in the first place was to avoid thinking of her. my chest continued to tighten and my breathing was starting to get a bit erratic.

well, i know of one way to get my mind off of her.

i turned and looked at jessie. i tilted my head. "you're hot," i blurted.

her brows shot up, and i could barely see a faint blush make its way to her cheeks. "oh. you think so?"

"i do. is that okay?"

they watched curiously as i moved closer to them. "i, uh..." they trailed off, then swallowed as their face grew redder. "y-yeah, it is."

"is it okay if i kiss you then?" i gave a little smirk.

her eyes searched mine, then glanced down at my lips. they gave a slight nod. "yeah, go ahead."

i wasted no time in leaning forward to press my lips to hers. i moved closer to her, and i placed my hand on the ground beside her to support myself. it wasn't very long until we were sloppily making out, which quickly led to us going back to my apartment.

the next morning, we decided that we should probably just be friends. she was, after-all, by herself in an unfamiliar city, and all she really wanted was a friend. that being said, after a few months, our relationship shifted into being friends-with-benefits for nearly a year. after that, we decided that we truly were better off as only friends, and i've considered her my best friend since then.

•

a/n ayooo

i don't like the end of this chap, but oh well

i forgot to say this in chapter 52, but i've been writing this series for two years now, as of november 20th??? like i was a teenager in hs when i started ts and now i'm 20 and a semester away from an associate's degree??? that's actually crazy 😭

anyways

thoughts??

any predictions or things you want to see??

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