Kristen Zinicallei

Chapter 35

Trista's POV

I knew Kristen was sick, and I knew I needed to be there for her. But I also knew I'd been feeling not the best for a while. My blood pressure has been a little crazy, and I don't know why. I try and take care of it but there's not much I can do. 

I feel bad for wanting someone to take care of me, when I know she needs it more. I feel like that makes me a horrible person, for not caring enough, but deep down I'm hoping that just because I feel bad about it, that makes me somehow less of a horrible person.

I really wanted to continue lying in bed and wishing none of this had ever happened, but I have school and finals and I can't. Dreaming about everything being different sure doesn't help, but it makes everything a bit more bearable. 

I got up and showered, hoping it would help me feel better. I washed away the thoughts that swarmed my mind. When I got out I found an outfit quickly and stole a glance at the pile of textbooks sitting on my desk. I know I need to take it slow, because going too fast would be bad for my mental and physical health. But I also know if I don't keep up I'm going to fall behind and it's only the end of freshman year.

I took a long deep breath and rush to meet Kristen outside. I knew she'd be here, even if she was still sick. She's stubborn, I know as I've witnessed it on many accounts. 

As I sat on my front porch steps I couldn't help but wonder if I was such a mess at the moment, what was it like for everyone else?

Why can't I be normal? Everybody seems to have big problems and I'm anxious over a few tests. If everyone else can hide what's going on for them, so can I. I will not let anyone see through me.

Kristen soon arrived and looked to be highly energetic. Why can't I have that much energy? I ran beside her and vaguely listened as she spoke. I'm a horrible friend, I should pay attention when she talks. I nodded to the sentences, hoping she couldn't see through me.

"And then she said...Are you even listening?" Kristen stopped turning to me. 

"What, yeah sorry. What did you say?" I asked snapping into reality. 

"Are you okay? You look a little off, and pale..." She pointed out and I swallowed my pain and nodded.  

You CAN'T let her worry. You can't.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I said nodding along and she nodded and went back to rambling.

See, you're great at this. 

I felt dizzy suddenly but pushed the last few blocks to school. When we arrived I hurried off to my separate class. I collapsed against a chair, thankful to be sitting.

My head ached and it made it almost impossible to focus on the lecture I was receiving. I felt like the air in the room wasn't enough. No matter how deep of breaths I took, I couldn't seem to take in enough air.

"Trista, are you okay?" a girl, Eva, asked from beside me. I was surprised she knew my name, especially because we've never talked before.

"Yeah, why?" I lied, pretending not to know why she'd even think of asking me if I was okay. 

"No reason...You're just fidgeting a lot, and seem to be struggling to breath. Also you're really pale, do you need to go to the nurse?" I shook my head slightly, but the dizziness was winning. My brain screamed at me to stop causing a scene but my body cried out for help.

"Uh...yeah actually. I think I do," I said raising my hand which caught the teachers attention almost immediately. "May I go to the nurse?" I asked, the words rushing out of my mouth.