skater boy - sapnap

chapter 40- art

"so what happened?" sapnap asks as soon as he shuts the door to my hotel room. he kicks off his shoes and kneels down on one knee in front of my legs that are dangling off the bed, looking up at me with concerned eyes.

"i don't belong here," i mutter weakly, surprised that i told him the truth so quickly.

"are you crazy? who could've ever put that thought into your head?"

"poppy..."

"who the hell is poppy?"

"some streamer's girlfriend that was at the party. i've run into her a couple times before. she always knew who i was but i never recognized her. i actually learned her name for the first time tonight. anyway, she told me... some things. including that i shouldn't be at twitch con because i am irrelevant without you." sapnap's clearly trying to keep a straight face, but can't help but snort at that comment.

"so, some streamer's girlfriend that's here as a plus one is telling you that you're too irrelevant to be at twitch con?"

"yeah."

"and you listened to her?"

"yeah."

"and you believe her?"

"yeah." sapnap scoffs at my response, hanging his head in disbelief for a second before looking at me again.

"she sounds like such a fan. i mean, you didn't even know her name until tonight. i promise that you're not the irrelevant one."

"but-"

"no buts."

"no, seriously. listen." i sigh, clasping my hands on my lap. sapnap carefully puts his warm hands on top of mine and feelings of safety and ecstasy rush through my spine. how do his hands alone have such an effect on me? "the only reason we agreed to fake date was so we could salvage our reputations while also boosting mine. poppy's right, i wouldn't be here without you."

"you know that's not true." he squeezes my hands gently. "if you want to insist that i helped you, then sure. i helped you. but you did this on your own. you already had people watching you long before i came into the picture. i personally think you already had that twitch con creator pass secured. but, come on, who am i to pass up the opportunity to fake date a pretty girl?" i nearly throw up at the last sentence and i can't tell if it's from alcohol or because his words flustered me that much. but let's be honest, i barely drank anything tonight, so it's most certainly the latter.

"you don't have to lie to make me feel better. i know this is stupid. like you said, she's nobody. but regardless of everything she said, it feels like she sees right through me. like she knows what we're doing is an act, and that's worrying me."

"an act..." sapnap repeats quietly. he shakes his head. "no, i don't think she sees through it. she's been drinking, and so have you. so everything feels like it has a different meaning now. and she's saying stuff she doesn't mean and would never even think about while sober. you have nothing to worry about."

the tears start pouring down my face quickly. sapnap wipes them away, which only makes me cry harder. so for a couple minutes we sit there, him kneeled in front of me and wiping my tears while i cry my heart out to him like i've known him my whole life and have trusted him for even longer.

"i don't deserve you," i sputter out. "you're too pure and kind for me."

"awww," sapnap's smile is just as warm as his hands. "i'm flattered, cassie, truly. but that's not true at all."

"it is! i'm a miserable ball of sadness and self-deprecation that's taking everything a random loser is saying to heart. and you're here, smiling and knowing all the perfect things to say."